Tiger Woods Jokes

What's the difference between Elton John's chin and Tiger Woods? Tiger Woods hasn't hit as many balls.

Why does Tiger Woods make the best milkshakes? He uses the best ingredients.

Barack Obama was seated next to a little girl on an airplane trip back to Washington. He turned to her and said: "Let's talk. I've heard that journeys seem shorter if you strike up a conversation with the person next to you." The little girl said: "Okay. What would you like to talk about?" "Oh, I don't know," said Obama. "What about the changes I should make to America?" "Yeah, that would be an interesting topic," she agreed. "But first let me ask you a question. A horse, a cow and a deer all ea…

The telephone rang at dawn. "Hello, Señor Ralph? This is Alfredo, the caretaker at your country house." "Hi, Alfredo. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?" "Uh, I am just calling to tell you, Señor Ralph, that your parrot died." "My parrot? Dead? The one that won the international competition?" "Yes, Señor, that's the one." "Damn! That's a pity. I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?" "From eating rotten meat, Señor Ralph." "Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten mea…

Your Mama's so stupid she wouldn't know up from down if she had three guesses! 3885. Your Mama's so stupid when I said we were playing craps she went and got toilet paper! 3886. Your Mama's so stupid she thought Sherlock Holmes was a housing project! 3887. Your Mama's so stupid she thought Thailand was a men's clothing store! 3888. Your Mama's so stupid she thought the board of education was a piece of wood! 3889. Your Mama's so stupid she thinks Tiger Woods is a forest! 3890. Your Mama's so stu…

Moses an God were golfing one day as they get to the final hole, etween the hole and God was a water trap. So God asks Moses to hand him his iron. Moses says, "I really think you should use the putter." God replies, "Just hand me the iron." God makes his first shot and it lands in the water. He looks at moses and says, "Will you go retrieve my ball?" So Moses walks down to the water parts the waters and retrieves his ball. They continue the same pattern three more times until Moses finally refus…

A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin." The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age." The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy." "Oh yeah? Who was the guy?" "Tiger Woods." "Tiger Woods, the golfer?" "Yeah." "Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him." The husband and wife then make passionate love. …