Superman Jokes

Superman wears Chuck Norris underpants.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building. One turns to the other and says: ""You know last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building- by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window."" The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar. The 2nd Man says: ""What are you a nut? There is no way in heck that could happen."" 1st …

Kryptonite has been found to contain trace elements of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks to the face. This is why it is so deadly to Superman.

This guy goes to a new bar on top of the empire state building... When he walks in he sees one guy sitting at the bar and sits a few seats away from him and orders a beer. The other guy sitting at the bar calls him over to sit on the stool next to him. Since he seems so friendly he obliges and sits next to him. When he does, the other guy says to him, “You see that stool you’re sitting on? That was in the Titanic!” “Bull shit!" “Honest to God. That’s not all though! Do you see that paintin…

So there was a bar on top of the Empire State Building... And a man went to the top and ordered some scotch. While he was drinking a man came up and ordered some tequila, drank it, and jumped over the edge of the building. The man, horrified to what he saw, was then surprised to see the same man who jumped over walk out of the elevator and sit down at the bar. He asked the man " How are you still alive? I saw you jump!" The man responded " Its the tequila, once you drink it your body gets bounc…

Got thrown out of the theatre during the Superman movie... ... but I was able to sneak back in by putting on glasses.

Why doesn't Superman need a boss? (OC) He already has supervision.

Three drunks on the top of the Empire state building. Three drunkards are standing on top of the Empire State Building. The first one says to the other two, "You know, it's a funny thing about these wind currents. A person could jump off of this building right now and not even hit the ground; the wind would carry him right back up to the top of the building!" The second drunk says, "You're crazy!" The first drunk says, "I'm serious! Watch!" The first drunk jumps off of the building, and the w…

Magic Window Two men are sitting in a bar. One says to the other, "That window is magic. To prove it, I'll jump out." He jumps, much to the other man's horror, and plummets 20 floors only to stop and float gently back up. "Amazing, huh? Why don't you try?" The other man is dubious, but eventually decides to jump. He plummets 30 floors and smacks into the pavement. The first man is in hysterics. "You know," says the bartender, "you're a real prick when you're drunk, Superman."

A boy wishes to be Batman... One day, a small ten year old boy was playing with his favorite Batman action figures in his attic when he found a strange lamp. Noticing how dusty it was, he decided to polish it a little. Before he knew it, out flew a magic genie. "Greetings!" said the genie. "In exchange for freeing me, I will grant you one wish." Without skipping a beat, the boy said "I want to be Batman!" Sighing and taking on a grim expression, the genie materialized a bandana and gun out …

2 men are at a bar ontop of the empire state building * Man 1 looks to Man 2 and says; * "You see that window over there? It's magical; if you jump out of it you can fly!" * Man 2 says, somewhat tipsy, "Noooo you can't, you have to show me for me to believe you." * Man 1 says "Ok" and goes to the other side of the room, takes a running start, and jumps right out of the window. He then proceeds to fly once around the building and back in. * Man 2 says "Now I'm a little drunk so I'm not sure …

So I was at the club They played crank that, and I did the Superman. They played the Cupid shuffle, so I did the Cupid shuffle. They played Come on Eileen, and I got kicked out of the club.

A man walks into a bar on the third floor. He sits down and orders a double vodka on the rocks, smashes his head three times on the counter and jumps out the window. A minute later the man walks back inside and orders another double vodka on the rocks, bangs his head on the counter and proceeds to jump out the window. When he again walks in the door, one of the patrons walks up to him and asks: "Excuse me, but how are you able to survive that fall?" The man replies: "If you are able to drink a …

Drunken Fools Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building. One turns to the other and says: "You know last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building- by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window." The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar. The 2nd Man says: "What are you a nut? There is no way in heck that could …

My favorite joke Two guys are drinking in the restaurant atop the Space Needle on a windy day. Man 1: You... You know... When it is this windy, you can jump off the edge, and the wind will blow you back on. Man 2: Bull. Man 1: No man, I'm telling you. The wind just blows you back on. Here, let me show you. The two men drunkily sneak outside and stand on the edge. When another gust comes, the first man leaps off the edge. He floats in the wind for a moment, and sure enough, the wind whips h…

Two men are sitting drinking at a bar At the top of the Empire State Building, when the first man turns to the other and says "You know, last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building, the winds around the building are so intense that by the time you fall to the 10th floor, they carry you around the building and back into a window". The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar. The second guy says, "What, are you nuts? There's no way that could …

Superman calls to Lois Lane, "Lois come in here a second! I want you to see something." Lois comes into the room and says, "What is it?" Superman points across the room at their dog, whom he has dressed up with glasses and a tie. Lois says, "... who the hell is that?"

The slight difference between me and Superman… He *has* super vision. I *require* supervision .

Why was Superman afraid of the man in armour who owned Bitcoin? He was a Crypto Knight

Two guys on a rooftop bar got into an argument. Guy 1 wanted to bet the 2nd guy a thousand bucks that he could jump off the building and be blown up by the array of giant air conditioners just below the ledge. Guy 2 was telling him he was insane and would surely kill himself. Guy 1 insisted, giving the second guy 10:1 odds on the bet. Guy 2 shrugged and said, “Okay, you’re on. Your funeral!” With a quick handshake to seal the bet, guy 1 leaped from the building and slowed as he approache…

Co-worker asked me, "If Batman, who is a regular human but with gadgets, teamed up with Superman, who has supernatural powers, and they fought against Iron Man, another regular human with gadgets, who teamed up with Thor, who has super powers, who would be the winners?" "Your parents when you move out."

What do you get when you cross Superman with a kleptomaniac? A man of steal!

Clark Kent was lying in his death bed with his wife Lois Lane beside him. After some time, Lois said “Darling, I have to confess something. Years ago, I had an affair with Superman. It was only one night, but I’ve regretted it ever since. I hope you can forgive me.” “You don’t need to worry about that because,” Clark said as he took off his glasses, “I am Superman! Even if you didn’t know it was me, in my eyes you were always faithful.” “Oh thank God!” said Lois. “ I can’t tell you what a wei…

Did you guys hear about the nun with super powers? When she flies over, people say: "It's a bird!" "It's a plane!" "It's Superman!" "No! It's Nun of the Above!"