Superman Jokes

Two men are sitting in a penthouse bar... perched on top of a building of impressive height. One of the men turns to the other and gives him a nudge: ""Hey, don't look so down. I have a secret for you. This beer that I'm drinking is magic beer. This beer that I'm drinking will make you fly!"" Upon seeing the man roll his eyes in disbelief he exclaims, ""No! Really! Watch this!"" He then downs the rest of his drink and jumps out a nearby window, only to return safely after making a loop around th…

So there is this bar on the 15th floor of a building in New York And this dude walks in like he owns the place. He walks up to the bartender and orders 4 of his ""Special Drinks"". Then he jumps out the window and flys around the building 10 times. When he jumps back in he goes to this girl at the bar and says ""Did you see that?"" She says no and he orders 4 more drinks and flys around the bar again. This time she was walking to the window while he was flying and she still didn't see it. He com…

As she lay there in screaming agony... As she lay there in screaming agony, her body covered in fatal burns, Superman knew this was the first and last time he would try to undress a woman with his eyes.

I hear Superman is a very overprotective parent. His kids are under constant super-vision.

Two men on top of the empire state buidling... Two men were on top of the empire state building. The first man walks up to the other man and says, ""what are you doing up here?"" The second man states, ""I am contemplating suicide."" The first man responds and says, ""don't you know the designed this building to be suicide proof?"" The second man responds, ""no way, I don't believe you!"" The first man explains, they designed the building so when someone jumps, the person would fall all the way …

Superman can save the world but Clark Kent

Superman, Snow White, and Quasimodo visit the mirror on the wall Superman wants to ask if he is the strongest of them all. So, he goes to ask the mirror and when he comes back he is proud of himself and says, ""Yes, yes! I am the strongest of them all."" Next Snow White wants to know if she is the prettiest of them all. She goes and asks the mirror and comes back excited to tell them that she is in fact the prettiest of them all. Quasimodo, seeing his friends and their success, is confident that…

What do you call the smallest Superman in the world?.. Quark Kent.

Why doesn't Superman watch Game of thrones? Because he has a LED-TV.

Superman decides to take a day off On this particular day, Superman decides to take a day off from fighting crime. As he is flying around, he sees Spider-Man fighting some thugs in an alley. ""Hey Superman can you lend me a hand?"" Asks Spider-Man. ""No"", says Superman and he continues on with his day. Later on in the day, he notices Batman having trouble on the streets of Gotham. ""Hey Superman can you lend me a hand?"" Asks Batman. ""No, this is my day off."" Says superman and he continues on…

[long] A man walks into a bar on the 30th floor.... A second man already sits at the bar drinking alone and looking a little lonely so the he goes to sit by him and orders a drink. The second man looks over at him, smiles, and says: ""You know, this bar is in just the right place that if you jump out that open window you'll pop right back up into it without ever hitting the ground."" The first man looks over in annoyance, thinking the man is screwing with him, ""Bullshit that's scientifically im…

SuperMan, A Nice American and A fat American were having a race, who won ? the fat American, because the other 2 are fictional characters

Two men sitting in a 3 story bar.. Two men are sitting in a bar on the third floor. One guy says to another ""hey you know with the air pressure outside if I jump out this window the air brings me right back up to the top."" The other guy says ""no way man, that's not possible."" The other guys says ""yes it is, watch this."" So he jumps out of the window and right before he hit the ground he floated right back up into the window. The skeptical guy said ""Woah! That looked like a rush, I'm going…

Who wins in a fight: Goku or Superman? Wrong, Batman always wins.   Yes, I do have the sense of humor of a 5 year old.

To defeat Superman, Batman will sneak in Superman's house when he's asleep and dig for any weaknesses. You could say, he's going to creep tonight.

Why did Superman dump Lois for Wonder Woman? He decided he wanted to date someone in the same League.

Donald Trump is cancelling the Dawn Of Justice movie He's doing it since one of the main characters, Superman, is an illegal alien.

Clerk Kent is in fact Superman... So my mom tells me stop hanging with your friends who are always drunk! They are not a good company! How should i tell her that... ""Clark Kent is in fact Superman""

A man walks into a 20 story bar. He sees another man- clearly drunk, mutter something to the bartender and suddenly this man turns around, sprints full speed at the window and smashes through it, falling to the bottom. The man brushes it off and walks to the bartender and orders the strongest drink they carry. Many drinks later he sees the door open. It's the man that jumped out the window 10 minutes ago. He asks him ""How did you survive that fall? it's 20 stories!"" The man says ""It's easy, j…

The Flying Drunk Two men are sitting at a bar drinking when one starts up a conversation with the other. ""You know, at this time of the year this city is great for flying, just the right wind."" ""Looks like you're completely wasted, men can't fly."" Over the course of argument and further drinking the first guy gets up and walks to the window. ""Fine, I'll show you."" saying which he jumps out, flies a bit, does a loop-DE-loop and comes back in through the window. The man is left astonished at…

What did Superman get at the supermarket? A Super Bowl

Superman biggest weakness is not kryptonite. It's horses.

I challenged Superman to a fight. The loser had to wear his underwear on the outside.

What if Superman landed in Mexico instead of Kansas? He'd be an illegal alien.

If superman were evil he'd be the man of steal