Superman Jokes

What is Superman when he removes his suit? Man.

A man dies in the desert next to a rock. How did he die? The rock is kyptonite and the man is superman.

A man in tights was found near a rock. What happened? Superman committed suicide.

Which gun does Superman use? SCAR-L

Why is Superman wanted by the police? He is wanted for being the Man of Steal.

What happens when Superman sees Superwoman? He becomes the Man of Steel

What Did Superman Tell Superwoman? Do you want to be in my Crib Tonight (Kryptonite)

What do you call a fusion between Batman and Superman? The krypton-knight.

What did undead Superman say to his date? Do you want to come to my kryptonite?

How could batman possibly defeat superman? Put him on a horse I'm now going to hell with the rest of you...

What's the difference between Superman and Super Delegate? The first one saves people from criminals, while the latter saves criminals from the people.

What do you call it when Superman craps his pants? Undy-terd.

How did Lex Luthor hide his money laundering from superman? He used a krypton-currency.

Why would Batman always beat Superman? because, being rich, Bruce Wayne can ride a horse properly.

Why is pulling out 100% effective for superman? They never survive the 1000ft fall to earth. (Thanks Drawn Together)

Why is Batman so jealous of Superman? Because he has 3 dead parents and Bruce only has 2

What's the difference between Superman and Roman Reigns? Superman's powers are all natural .

Why does Superman have to wait until tomorrow to fight gang violence in LA? He can't face the Crips tonight.

what would you call superman if he was deaf and mexican? No hero

What's the difference between Superman and Supergirl? Supergirl has good fundamentals and great passes but she can't dunk.

What sport can Batman best Superman in? Polo

How is it that Superman could stop a bullet with his chest but couldn’t dress himself properly?

Funny Instruction Labels: These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods: On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!) On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!) On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be how?) On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's 'just' a suggestion!) On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (print…

Once a famous boxer was going on a journey by airplane. Just before the plane took off from the ground, the air hostess came to him and asked him politely to fix his seat-belt. The boxer said, “Superman needs no seat- belt.” “Superman needs no plane either!” answered the air hostess in a clever and amusing way.

A black couple was invited to attend a Halloween costume party. The husband asked his wife to get him a costume. The first day she came home with a Batman costume. "Woman", he said, "you know there has never been a black Batman! I can't wear this! Get me something more suitable for this party." So the next day, he came home to find a Superman costume for him. "Woman", he said again. "There has never been a black Superman either. People will laugh at me if I wear this. Now get me something I can …