Two men on top of the empire state buidling... Two men were on top of the empire state building. The first man walks up to the other man and says, ""what are you doing up here?"" The second man states, ""I am contemplating suicide."" The first man responds and says, ""don't you know the designed this building to be suicide proof?"" The second man responds, ""no way, I don't believe you!"" The first man explains, they designed the building so when someone jumps, the person would fall all the way …

One day, a man takes his only child to a comic shop (warning: text wall approaching) The only child has one neighbor who lives across the street. They're an elderly couple. Nobody of his age that he would like. Unfortunately, the child is home-schooled, too, so he has no chance of making friends at school. The child's parents decide that they should get him into comics in hopes that he might realize that some of the greatest heroes didn't have friends as a child, either. The child, at the age of…

What's going on? A policeman passes a parking lot around midnight and notices a couple in a parked car. He stops to investigate and sees a man in the driver's seat and a young lady in the backseat, quietly reading a magazine. The officer knocks on the window and asks whats going on. "Listening to music," the guy says. Pointing toward the lady in the backseat, the officer asks, "And what's she doing?" "Reading a magazine, of course." "How old are you?" asks the officer. "I'm 28." "And how …

German guy at the French border. A German guy is at the French border. The French customs officer asks him some questions. -Name? *-Karl Schmidt.* -Place of Residence? *-Munich.* -Occupation? *-Oh, no, no. I'm just visiting.* (Translated from an /r/French comment: http://www.reddit.com/r/French/comments/1jrq1z/tell_me_a_joke_in_french/cbhnivu)