You know how when you're a kid you think your dad is Superman.. Then you grow up and realize that he's just a drunk with a cape.

When I was a kid. I used to come home drunk & beat my Dad.

A cash bar on parent / teacher interview nights would be a great fundraiser for schools.

Sometimes I forget I'm from Florida and then I remember when I was 9, my dad had me drive the golf cart so he could get drunk on the course.