Spider Man Jokes

Man in fatigues w SONY written on his forehead has handcuffed me&my sons to radiator & is forcing us to watch 8th Spider-Man reboot in 3 yrs

Spider-Man, hanging right in front of your face when you turn on the bathroom light.

what if Spider Man has to stop a crime in the countryside

If you held a gun to my head and forced me to choose Tobey Maguire's Spider-Man or Andrew Garfield's, I'd probably shit my pants.

Cap: good morning Avengers let's begin Iron Man: wait spider-man is missing Open Mouth Man: weird he was here when i went to sleep last nite

What idiot named him Spider-Man instead of Peter Parkour?

Do you think when Spider-Man gets stoned with Batman and the Hulk he sometimes thinks the spider on his chest is real and freaks out?

Spider-Man is my favorite superhero whose name is made up of 2 things that scare the shit out of me.

It seems like every kid wants to be Spider-man or Batman now-a-days. They must have terrible parents if they all want to be orphans.

VENOM: Time to meet your maker! SPIDER-MAN: The radioactive spider? VENOM: No, like- SPIDER-MAN: My dad? Cuz he's dead. Wow, ur a douche.

Dave is coming over. "Dave Wilson or Dave who thinks he's Spider-Man?" [loud thud on the roof] BACK DOOR IS OPEN, DAVE

Spider Man, Spider Man Chillin' in his camper van Kickin' back, drinkin' booze head to toe in sweet tattoos Hang on That is not Spider Man

Spider-Man Spider-Man Does whatever a spider can Spins a web Any size Catches thieves Eats those guys Hey wait Don't do that Spider-Man

How do you get spiderwebs out of your hair? Asking because Spider-Man... I mean... Just asking.

Spider-Man reboots should start with the previous actor biting the new one as the origin story.

[therapy] "Where does your fear of spiders come from?" *flashback to Spider-Man trying to kiss me behind Applebees* They're just creepy okay

Spider-man never tweets via iPhone. He's a web kinda guy.

Spider-Man, Spider-Man, does whatever a spider can / super speed, giant leap / crawls in your mouth when you're asleep

Scientists say Spider-Man would not be able to climb vertical surfaces due to his size. It's almost like someone made the whole thing up.

Spider-Man, Spider-Man, does the same movies over again. Who'll he fight? The same bad guys! Billion dollar film franchise.

If Spider Man eats too much fruit he squirts Silly String.

Maybe I'm like Spider-Man except I got bit by a radioactive sloth.

[Spider-Man shows up at my house] *I carefully scoop him up on a piece of paper and release him outside my door*

I hope when the Avengers meet Spider-Man they give him shit for not helping when NYC got attacked.

*beats arachnophobia* *trips over child dressed as Spider-Man* *fears spiders again*