Q&A Jokes

REPUTATION There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read: Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I…

WHY CAN'T YOU BE LIKE THAT? Jill tells her husband, "Jack, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome. Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses. Now, why can't you do that?" "Gosh," Jack says, "why I hardly know the girl." [Source](http://smile.xonaki.com/Joke/EN?categoryCode=EN&jokeId=161#mainBody)

Hey, Gandalf! What's your favourite kind of insect? FLY, YOU FOOLS!

Once there was a man who never left his home. .......Don't get it? . Well, it *is* an **inside joke.**

How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb? It's a pretty obscure number, you've probably never heard of it.

The story about the priest and half of a lemon.. [very long] **Edit**: Thank you for the gold, kind sir! **Note**: English is not my native language and I translated this from hungarian, so if something sounds funny, I am sorry for it. ******** There was once a priest who went to see the world after taking his oath. After many years of wandering, he finally arrived in a small village in the middle of nowhere. The people there believed in the same religion as he did, but they ha…

How is a speech impediment like a box of chocolates? It doesn't really matter, as long as it has good cocoa content.

What's got four legs, is green and fuzzy, and if it falls out of tree it could kill you? A pool table.

What is a vampires least favorite food? Steak! ...I'll see myself out now.

How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? Hit that faggot with your car.

A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Monk A Catholic Priest, a Rabbi, and a Buddhist Monk go golfing. After a few holes they decide to get down to business. They're trying to figure out how much of their money they should donate to the church. How much should they tell their members to give? After much debate the Catholic Priest says, "let's draw a circle around the cup and throw all of our money in the air. Whatever lands inside the circle, we'll give that percentage to God. It is his will. The Buddhi…

Why do women make such great plumbers? They like to bring up shit from the past.

How many people with Alzheimer's does it take to screw in a light bulb? To get to the other side!

What is the difference between light and hard? You can sleep with a light on.

Did you hear about the criminal who wanted to lose weight to fit into smaller clothes? Last I heard, he was still at large.

What do you get when you cross a ghoul and a vampire? A hemogoblin. I came up with this during lecture after a dyslexic moment, thought someone may like it.

Where do Peek-a-boo patients go? The ICU.

What's the difference between three black guys and a joke? Your mom can't take a joke.

Why do mathematicians have a hard time moving on in relationships? Because they're always trying to find the x. They don't know y, either.

I heard this joke today for the first time, it might be repost/an old one (idk), but here it is Teacher: Why are you late? Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill. Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? Student: No. I was standing on it.

What do you do? You're riding your horse along a narrow road and to your right there's a steep cliff. There's another rider to your left threatening to run you off the edge. You try to speed up but there's another rider in front of you, and when you look behind you a third rider is closing in as well. You're stuck in a harrowing high speed chase and must figure out how to escape quickly before your pursuers run you off the steep cliff to your death. So, **what do you do?** You get your drunk a…

A joke about Germans - I´m German and i was rolling on the floor laughing about it Q: Why do they bury Germans 20 meters underground? A: Because deep down they are really nice.

How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb? How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb? YOU WOULDN'T KNOW!!! YOU WEREN'T THERE!

Stalin and Roosevelt Stalin and Roosevelt are chatting at a meeting on the top floor of a building. In a heated argument they decided to test their bodyguard's loyalty. Roosevelt goes first and tells his bodyguard "Jump out the window" to which the bodyguard responds "No I cant... What about my family?" Then Stalin goes and tells his body the same thing. Stalin's bodyguard then goes to the window, jumps out, and dies instantly upon hitting the pavement below. "Why did h…

A man came home early from work to find his wife in bed with another man... A man came home early from work to find his wife in bed with another man. The husband shouted, "What the hell is going on here"? "See?" said the wife, "I told you he was stupid."