Q&A Jokes

Where did people find out that Pluto was no longer a planet? The orbituaries.

What has everyone been doing at Apple since the problems with the iPhone 6 started? Looking for Jobs.

Where are people in Dallas staying to avoid getting Ebola? The Cowboys Stadium. Because they can't catch anything there.

First timer Son comes back home at night Dad is waiting for him and asks: - where have u been so late!!?? - dad I just lost my virginity! - ohh...I'm so proud of you... have a cigar, whiskey, sit down and tell me everything - ok I'll take a cigar and whiskey but I won't sit down.

What ward does Sauron visit in the hospital? ICU

What did one tampon say to the other?? ...... Nothing! They're both stuckup cunts !

How does a farmer count his cows?? with a Cowculator!!

What is it with people who text and drive? I swear to god the next time I see this happen, I'll roll down my window and throw my beer at them.

What do black guys have that’s double the size of white men and gets bigger every time they touch a woman? Their criminal record.

Homeless Man I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?" "No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied. "Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked. "No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said.."I need…

My uncle knew the exact moment when he was going to die, down to the last second. Isn't that amazing? The judge told him

What is Six Point Nine? A good time ruined by a period.

What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? Bird flu you get tweetment, swine flu you get oinkment.

Sign Language I was doing yard work after the storm this weekend and my wife was about to take a shower. I realized that I couldn't find the rake. I yelled up to my wife, "Where is the rake?" She couldn't hear me and she shouted back, "What?" I pointed to my eye, then I pointed to my knee and made a raking motion. Then my wife wasn't sure and said "What?" I repeated the gestures. "Eye - Kneed - The Rake" My wife replied that she understands and signals back. She first points t…

Do you know how to keep an idiot in suspense? Seriously. That other guy hasn't answered yet, and I'm dying to find out!

Which of these two jokes with roughly the same theme is better? A. A Christian is drowning in the sea. A boat comes up the crew tries to save them, but he says "no, God will save me!" Later another boat comes up and tries to save him again, but he insists that God will save him. Later a third boat comes along. The Christian is wheezing, gasping, almost exhausted, but manages to wheeze out "no, God will save me!" Then he drowns. In Heaven, he asks God why he didn't save him. God says "I sent you…

How did I get from Afghanistan to Iraq? Iran.

What is black and white and red all over? An Orca on a Japanese whaling ship.

What happens when you drink food colouring? You dye a little on the inside.

What's the tallest building in the world? The library, because it has the most stories =D

What do you call a waffle you drop in the desert? San Diego ^^San-dee-eygo ^^^^sandee-eygo ^^^^^sandy-eggo ^^^^^i'll ^^^^let^^^^myself^^^^out

What happened to the man running in front of the car? He got tired. What happened to the man running behind the car? He got exhausted.

Why is Halloween a hillbilly's favorite holiday? Because they like to pumpkin. I'll see myself out...

In Hell Demon: Why so glum? Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell! Demon: It's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. Are you a drinking man? Guy: Sure, I love to drink. Demon: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab and Fresca... we drink till we throw up and then we drink some more! Guy: Gee that sounds great! Demon: You a smoker? Guy: You know it! Demon: All right! You're gonna love Tue…

Did you hear about the time Stevie Wonder got a cheese grater for Christmas? He said it was the most violent book he'd ever read.