Police Jokes

Person I tried to rob describing me to the police: "long hair, wearing pajamas, honestly she didn't seem very committed to it."

POLICE CHIEF: They call him the copycat killer ONE OF THE COPS (mocking tone): They call him the copycat killer [everyone looks at him] Oops

Apparently organ donation has to be *your own* organ and this police officer has a lot of questions.

Good Cop: Book 'em. Illiterate Cop: I'll just wait for the movie.

911 What's your emergency Me: I'm calling to complain about the quality of this cocaine 911: The police are on their way Me: Thanks

cop: "sir im afraid your dog is too cool for this neighbourhood" me: [turns his little baseball cap round right way] cop: "ok that's better"

*describes my ideal woman to police sketch artist* "And I need you guys to find her by 9 tonight cuz this buffet coupon is about to expire."

Me: *describing criminal* Well he was kind of *muffled laughter* "sketchy". Police Sketch Artist: *sighs heavily* Get out.

What did Mozart say to the police clerk? "I'll be Bach" hahaha. What do you mean they're different people

Traffic cop: Just blow into this for me sir. Man in car: But that's a balloon. Traffic cop: if you just cooperate sir, it'll soon be a dog.

My dad likes to come to my office & tell the receptionist he's my parole officer in case you were wondering how I turned out like this.

Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over ? Me: You wanted to watch me lick my ice cream cone ? Cop: Just go please

[traffic stop] COP: where ya headed? ME: on my way home COP: *shining flashlight in my backseat* ME: look at me when I'm speaking to you

Cop: Know why I stopped you? SUPER DANCE OFF?? Cop: OH YEAH OH YEAH? Cop: No, not really. There's a warrant for your arrest. oh no

ok honey, you're going to love this movie. all you need to know is that "robocop" is short for "robot cop"

If you die in the shower when you're shampooing do the police have to finish rinsing when they find you or is that the ME's job. Is it a job

Dear lady, $14 is crazy for an airport sandwich but complaining to the counter guy is like telling a cop to pull troops out of Afghanistan.

Apparently the unbuttoning of a shirt and letting your hair down for a cop only works for women.

If the police really wanted DUI checkpoints to be effective, they'd set them up inside Taco Bell drive-thrus.

Me: Mistakes my own hair for a spider at least once a day & screams Also me: [watching Criminal Minds] I could totally be a cop

Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: To propagate authoritarianism and generate revenue for the state? Cop: Besides that.

Be a firefighter they said, Rescue kittens & throw them into fire they said, Youre misinformed they said, We're calling the police they said

All police should quit, just to teach us a lesson. We'll beg them to beat and gas us, but they'll be like nope, you didn't appreciate it

Detective: how were u able to do it? Serial Killer: thanks to the flexibility of Uber. I was able to work my own hours and still murder

Police chief: So what do we know about the serial killer? Detective: He's white Other detective: A muscular build Me: He kills people