Police Jokes

[crime scene] *detective snaps pics of murder victim* Corpse: delete it

Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Technically I pulled myself over, you only asked C: I know, right? They make us say it like that

Good friends are hard to find. Especially if they stabbed me in the back. In fact you won't find them officer. Stop looking

Cop: Hey U! U: who, me? Cop: no the other 1! 1: who, me? Cop: both of U! W: who, us? Cop: Yes you! U: Who, me? Cop: No! No: yes?

Horse detective stood in the rain and looked out to sea. He thought about justice and fate. He thought about her. He thought about apples.

I may be 26, but I have the body of a 16 year old. Her parents are very upset. As are the police.

A tragic kissout between police and suspects leaves over 15 innocent bystanders believing in love again

Cop (catches me with a bag of marijuana, a dead duck and a dead crow): Sir, what were you doing? Me: Killing two birds while being stoned.

Cop: So, I'm writing a ticket for driving alone in the car pool lane. Me: You're going to feel really stupid when you look in my trunk.

WIFE: The police are at the front door ME: *hiding a bag of donuts* Do they look mad?

officer it's my son's car "just make it stop sir" I don't know how "can you call him" I'll try *tries to dial while car bounces up and down*

*shuts down road going both ways* Right over here, officer. Here is where the accident happened. *pulls tiny sheet over squirrel*

Cop: Whatever you say will be held against you. Me: TEDDYBEARS Cop: Aww.

GOOD COP: Tell us what you know BAD COP: Or we'll turn up the heat DAD COP: DON'T YOU TOUCH THAT DAMN THERMOSTAT

It's almost as if they don't know the first rule of carrying rolls of wrapping paper club is; always be prepared for a sword fight, officer.

*Knock Knock* Me: Who is it? Police: Police. Me:What do u want? Police: To talk. Me: How many r u? Police: 2 Me: Talk to each other.

*Cop yells at dog* LADY WHAT ARE U DOING *dog continues to give birth* THATS IT UR GETTING A TICKET FOR *looks directly at camera* LITTERING

*Open up, police!!* "NO YOU'RE GONNA YELL AT ME."

There's a police officer trying to get me to roll down my window. I'm calling the cops.

Cop: you know why I pulled you over? Me: You thought I was black? Cop: Haha. Yep. You're free to go sir

Our parenting style can best be described as: Bad cop, Bozo cop

I scream. You scream. The police come. It's awkward.

Did you know that you're allowed to pull over a cop on your birthday? Try it!

You can eat a huge bag of cashews right in front of a cop and he can't do shit about it because cashews aren't illegal.

Good Cop: step away from the ledge Cat Cop [pushes person off] oops