Jeff Jokes

Jeff, a semicolon, and an Oxford Comma walk into a bar. They both had a great time.

If cloning ever becomes real, I want 3 triceratops. I even already have names for them. Oneceratops, Twoceratops, and Jeff.

Texas bar. Two guys, Bill and Jeff, are in a bar in the middle of Texas. They're stereotypical Texans, big hat, cowboy boots, etc. So anyway, they're sitting at the bar drinking their Lonestar beer, when in walks these two guys. They don't walk like Texans, they don't look like Texans, they're obviously not from Texas. Bill tells Jeff to go see where they're from. So he ambles down the bar; ""Hey, where you boys from?"" ""Saskatoon, Saskatchewan."" Jeff walks back, sits down and take a drink of …

The pact of brothers... Jeff has moved to a new country and has settled in a new place. Around the corner is a bar which Jeff goes to check out. Once in, Jeff orders 3 beers in a row and begins to drink them simultaneously... The bar tender thinks this a bit strange but nevertheless he is making business. Jeff frequents the bar, generally nightly and each time he orders 3 beers in a row, drinking them simultaneously... The bar tender/other patrons who are now friendly with Jeff, ask him why he d…

A local radio station was running a competition - words that weren't in the dictionary yet could still be used in sentence that would make logical sense. The prize was a trip to Bali. DJ: ""96FM here, what's your name?"" Caller: ""Hi, me name's Dave."" DJ: ""Dave, what's your word?"" Caller: ""Goan... spelt, G-O-A-N, pronounced 'go-an'."" DJ: ""... You are correct, Dave, 'goan' is not in the dictionary. Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?"" Call…

Since this is Obama's last year... He decides to throw a small private party and invites the candidates running for president this year. He invites Hillary Clinton, Jeff Bush and of course the smart and talented Donald Trump on his private jet party. They are the only people on the jet plane and are flying over the tropical islands. After about couple of hours of cruising, the pilot cries frantically, ""We seem to have a problem, the plane is going to crash due to some malfunction. We have only …

Jeff and Don are singing deck the halls.... When they both suddenly die part way through the song. They are reincarnated as ass-less chaps. Jeff looks over and says: ""Don, we now are gay apparel.""

Pro boning Pro bone Verb (pro bone, pro boning, pro boned) 1. The act of boning a fugly girl that isn't worth your time but you take her on as a charity case. ""Jeff will pro bone Cathy in order to help her deal with her daddy issues""

""I know everybody!"" Bob and Jeff are talking amongst themselves, when Bob says ""I know every single person in the world."" Jeff says ""That's not possible! There's no way you can know everybody in the world."" ""Okay,"" Bob replies with a smug look, ""I'll prove it. Let's go see my friend Bill Gates."" With that, they hop in a plane and fly to Medina, Washington and drive to Bill Gates' house. When they arrive at the front gate, a little screen activates and Bill's face shows up on the screen…

The friends ride up into the mountains... ""My legs are really starting to tire!"" said Jeff, as the bike tires bounced and bobbled over the aged rocks down below. It was the first time since the riders had taken this route and they were having a hard time enjoying the ride but Pepe was determined to make it through the new setting. ""Maybe it will get easier once we make it past that pool of water!"" he exclaimed. They peddled and peddled and poor Jeff was finding the steep terrain hard to bear…

Turkey giblets Every morning jeff would get up, stretch and then fart. His wife was so sick of it that she told him ""The next time you fart you'll fart your guts out. The next morning she aced the Turkey giblets next to his but. Jeff woke up with a loud scream. He then went down to his wife and said ""you're right i did fart my guts out. But by the grace of god and these two fingers i managed to put them back in""!!!!!

All drinks on me Jeff, a well dressed well groomed guy, walks in a packed pub, sits at the bar and started to chat and socialise with the barman who happens to own the place. An hour and many drinks later, Jeff asks for a round of shots for everybody in the place, since it's a celebration. He does this three more times, people are on their feet happy, Jeff is having a blast, the owner gets a bit uncomfortable and asks him to pay what he already owes him. Unfortunately drunk him explains that he …

Radio Station was running a competition A competition for words that weren't in the dictionary yet could still be used in a sentence that would make logical sense. The prize was a trip to Bali DJ: ""96FM here, what's your name?"" CALLER: ""Hi, me name's Dave."" DJ: ""Dave, what's your word?"" CALLER: ""Goan... spelt G-O-A-N, pronounced 'go-an'."" DJ: ""...You are correct, Dave, 'goan' is not in the dictionary. Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?…

What do you call a clown eating a mushroom? Jeff

Bar lion A man walks into a bar with his pet giraffe. He has apparently already had one too many drinks but the bartender decides to serve him anyway. He orders two pints; one for him and one for his pet giraffe, Jeff. The bartender looks away and when he looks back both glasses are empty. The bartender watches the giraffe fall off the barstool and lay motionless on the floor. The bartender tells the man, ""you can't leave that lyin there."" The man, indignantly responds with, ""that's not a lio…

Two friends are out for a drive Steve is driving, and Jeff is in the passenger seat. As they are coming to a red light, Steve instead stomps on the gas, and drives right through it. Jeff is stunned. ""What are you doing?"" ""Don't worry,"" Steve says. ""My brother drives like this."" After a bit they come up on another red light. Steve again speeds up and drives right through it, narrowly missing clipping a few cars. ""What the hell are you doing?!"" Jeff shouts. ""I said don't worry about it!""…

A long, furry pun... Ever since Jeff was a small boy, he has had a fondness for cute and furry animals. He loved movies with cartoon characters like Thumper, Pooh, and Tigger. His parents indulged him, buying plush toys and teddy bears. He never outgrew his fascination, and as a young man took a job as an assistant at a veterinary clinic so he could be around animals. In the meantime, he taught himself how to cut and sew furry costumes. He got quite good at this, making fantastically detailed ve…

I had a friend over last night... So my good friend Jeff was visiting me last night, and we were watching this space opera about racing. They had these cool hover cars racing both on the earth and the moon. When we were finally done watching a few episodes Jeff goes, ""Man, what a shitty cartoon,"" and I had this feeling growing inside me that I just had to correct him on what he just said, as a friend. Similar to how you correct people when they do the ""there"", ""their"" and ""they're"" mista…

Bob, Tom and Jeff are walking through the forest. They come across a large hole in the ground. Jeff picks up a stone and throws it into the hole. They listen closely and never hear the stone hit bottom. Bob goes over and put picks up a larger rock, needs two hands to throw this rock down the hole. They listen closely and never hear the rock hit bottom. ""Wait a minute, is this a bottomless pit?"" Claims Tom. ""We are figuring this out. Come with me"" The three guys find a large log and carry it …

Jeffrey Dahmer and his mom are having dinner. Jeffey's mom looks over at him and says ""Jeff I don't like your friends"". Jeffery then replies ""You can eat the potatoes"".

Three tired travelers stumble across a farm as it is beginning to get dark... Three tired travelers stumble across a farm as it is beginning to get dark. Exhausted, they decide to stop and ask if there is a place to sleep until morning. A friendly farmer answers the door and says they can sleep in the barn under one circumstance: Nobody is allowed to go up in the loft. The travelers say that is a simple enough request and head to the barn for some much needed sleep. After an hour of restlessness…

Little Johnny's Father Little Johnny was in class and the teacher announced that they were going to try something different to help everyone get to know each other a little better, and to help with their spelling. She explained, ""I want you to stand up and give us the occupation of your father, spell it, and say one thing he would give us all if he was here today."" The first student raised her hand to volunteer. ""Marcy,"" the teacher said. ""You may go first."" Marcy replied, ""My father is a…

Steve Bob and Jeff are all working on some very high scaffolding. Suddenly Steve falls off and is killed instantly. After the ambulance leaves with Steve's body Bob and Jeff realise they'll have to inform his wife. Bob says he's good with this sort of sensitive stuff so he volunteers to do it. After two hours he returns carrying a six-pack of beer. ""So did you tell her?"" Asks Jeff. ""Yep."" Replies Bob. ""Hey where did you get the six-pack?"" ""She gave it to me."" ""What?!"" Exclaims Jeff. ""…

ttle Johnny was in class and the teacher announced that they were going to try something different to help everyone get to know each other a little better and to help with their spelling. She explained ""I want you to stand up and give us the occupation of your father spell it and say one thing he would give us all if he was here today."" The first student raised her hand to volunteer. ""Marcy"" the teacher said. ""You may go first."" Marcy replied ""My father is a banker. B-A-N-K-E-R and if …

Two robbers, Hank and Jeff, break into a jewelry store. They start taking everything they can get their hands on without triggering the alarms. Hank spots a gold necklace with a huge emerald, the price of which would allow them to live in luxury for the rest of their lives. It was obviously well-secured, however, and Jeff tries to convince him that it's a bad idea and that the alarms will go off. Hank doesn't care and smashes the case and grabs the emerald necklace anyway. Immediately alarms so…