Jeff Jokes

So a woman walks into a pet store... and sees a parrot on sale for 50 bucks. Now, a parrot is a pretty expensive bird, so she asks the man behind the counter why the bird was on sale, and he tells her; "Well the bird used to live in a brothel, so sometimes it says some pretty vulgar things." The woman thinks for a minute, and says, "I guess that's fine. I'll take him". So she brings the bird home and sets its cage up near the front door. When he knows what's going on he says, "new house, n…

One day while scaffolding... Steve, Bob, and Jeff were working on a very high scaffolding one day when suddenly, Steve falls off and is killed instantly. After the ambulance leaves with Steve's body, Bob and Jeff realize that one of them is going to have to tell Steve's wife. Bob says he's good at this sort of sensitive stuff, so he volunteers to do the job. After two hours he returns, carrying a six-pack of beer. "So did you tell her?" asks Jeff. "Yep", replied Bob. "Say, where did you get …

Magic Number 5 I was walking down the street the other day when I saw my best friend Jeff. I walked up to him and mentioned that I had the craziest dream the other night. Jeff listened as I told him that the dream consisted of just one thing. A huge glowing number "5". It was made of gold and sparkled with shiny diamonds. Jeff's curiosity was peaked. I went on to say that the first thing that I did in the morning was to grab the daily racing digest and look up the 5th race. Jeff raised an eyeb…

A local radio station A local radio station was running a competition - words that weren't in the dictionary yet could still be used in sentence that would make logical sense. The prize was a trip to Bali. DJ: "96FM here, what's your name?" Caller: "Hi, me name's Dave." DJ: "Dave, what's your word?" Caller: "Goan... spelt, G-O-A-N, pronounced 'go-an'." DJ: "... You are correct, Dave, 'goan' is not in the dictionary. Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would…

Three women are at a restaurant getting lunch. They all date men named Jeff, by coincidence, and they always get confused when they talk about their boyfriends. One of the women says to the others, "Why don't we give our boyfriends nicknames so we can tell them apart?" The second woman, takes a drink of her soda and says, "Why don't we name them after soft drinks? I'll call mine 7-Up, because he's got seven inches, and it's always up!" The third woman says, "I'll call mine Mountain Dew, caus…

Jeff, a semicolon, and an Oxford comma go to a bar. They both had a great time.

Angel. Jeff is talking to Ben : • My wife is an angel. Ben tells him : • Lucky you, mine is still alive...

A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Jeff proposed to me an hour ago." "Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked. "Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell." Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."

A man enters a party and says "Is anybody here named Jeff?" Jeff raised his hand and said "Yes." Geoff raised his hand and said "Yeos."

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN Names =========== If Linda, Kate, Paula and Janice go out for lunch, they will call each other Linda, Kate, Paula and Janice. If Fred, Luke, Bradley, and Jeff go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bruno, Scrappy, Peanut-Head and Godzilla. Eating Out =========== When the bill arrives, Fred, Luke, Bradley, and Jeff will each throw in $20, even though the total is only $34.25. None of them will have any smaller bills and none will admit they wan…

Before Going To Bed.... Jeff Bezos Puts His Pajamazon

Anybody here named Jeff? Jeff: "Yes" Geoff: "Yeos"

"Hi my name is Jeff and I’m an alcoholic." "Sir, this is Triple A, not AA." "I know, I’m trying to explain why my car is in the lake."

It was 20 years ago, that my best friend, Jeff ran out of a room yelling "It's a boy!!! It's a boy!!!" with tears streaming down his face. We never went back to Thailand since.

Jeff walks into a magic shop. He walks up to the man at the counter and asks “What magic can you do” The man at the counter replies “Voodoo, magic reversal, time travel, and-“ Jeff interrupts him and says “Wait, go back” Jeff walks into a magic shop, and the man at the counter says to him “That’ll be $30.75”

Two Couples Were Playing Cards Jeff accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up

Freudian slips Jeff and Bob were talking about Freudian slips

John Jack and Jeff visit the queen with gifts...

— Is there anybody here named Jeff? Jeff: Yes.

""Anybody here named Jeff?"" Jeff: ""Yes"

A man enters a party and says ""Is anybody here named Jeff?"" Jeff raised his hand and said ""Yes."

The Guru (potentially NSFW depending on words used) Bill and Jeff are sitting at the local - Bill is complaining to Jeff that his elbow his hurting him and that he will have to go to the doctor and pay the high medical bills/etc that will come with it...

Angel. Jeff is talking to Ben :

The fancy dress party Steve and Jeff went to a fancy dress party. The theme was ""Emotions"".

Three women are at a restaurant getting lunch. They all date men named Jeff