Holiday Jokes

Easter is a sad day for Lance Armstrong He can never seem to find more than one egg

I love when the family tells puns on easter They are always so eggciting to hear.

Why shouldn't Canadian adults laugh at children who believe in the Easter Bunny? Because most of them still believe in Justin Trudeau

Easter joke Three blondes died and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question. St. Peter asks the first blonde, ""What is Easter?"" The blonde replies, ""Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful and stuff..."" ""Wrong!,"" replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same question, ""What is Easter?"" The second blonde replies, ""Easter …

Happy Easter A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane., After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, ""Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?' The rabbi responded, ""Yes, that is still one of our laws."" The priest then asked, ""Have you ever eaten pork?"", To which the rabbi replied, ""Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich."", The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading. A whi…

Jesus was on the cross... ...everyone had gone home. He was in his final moments. He was barely able to open his eyes to look around and with his last breath he uttered...""Man, what a shitty way to spend an Easter."" HAPPY EASTER REDDIT!

Three blondes arrive at the gates of St. Peter There's a lot of openings in heaven, so St. Peter decides to give them an easy test. He says to them, ""If you can tell me what Easter is, you can come in"" The first blonde says, ""Easter is that time in November where we eat turkey and are really thankful!"" St. Peter was surprised by this, but nevertheless he looked at the next blonde. ""Easter is that time in December where we celebrate Jesus' birth!"" she said. St. Peter was blown away. He look…

It's Christmas and three men die in a fiery wreck. They arrive at the Pearly Gates and are met by Saint Peter. ""Since it's Christmas the anniversary of the birth of our Saviour, to get into heaven you just need to show me some Christmas spirit and you may have eternal peace."" The first guy takes out his keys and shakes them. ""Jingle Bells"" he says. ""Alright."" Says Saint Peter. ""You're in"" The second guy pulls out his lighter and lights it. ""Candle."" he says, ""Yup."" Says Saint Peter. …

Easter Kids' Joke 2 What do you call a brown bunny that comes a day after Easter? Choco-late.

My mum asked me what i had planned for easter. I told her same as Jesus. Im going out on Friday and i will be back on Sunday

Don't do any jokes about Jesus this Easter.. He's not the guy you'd want to cross...

Why didn't the Marshmallow Peep cross the road on Easter? Because it was a little chicken.

What did Stevie Wonder think when he got a cheese grater for christmas? That it was the most violent book he'd ever read.

The last time we had a white Christmas, I made snow angels. I skidded on the ice and took out three pedestrians.

What's the Easter Bunny's favorite song? ""Don't you want some bunny to love""

Timmy was asked to pray at dinner... ...""but I don't know how to pray"" he replied. ""Just pray for your family, friends & neighbors, the poor, etc."" said his father. ""Okay"" said Timmy and he started... ""Dear Lord...I thank you for our visitors & their children, who finished all my cookies & ice cream. Bless them so they won't come over again. Forgive our neighbor's son, who removed my sister's clothes and wrestled with her on her bed. This coming Christmas, please send clothes …

Facing charges for attacking a man on New Years Eve.. Well, excuse me for getting nervous while an Arab was counting down from ten.

I went to see the Christmas play at my local elementary school the other day And the scene where the 3 Wise Men bring gifts to Baby Jesus was approaching. The second graders walked to center stage one after another, faced Baby Jesus, and placed their gifts on the ground one at a time. ""I bring you gold"" the first child said ""I bring you myrrh"" the second child said ""Frank sent this"" the last child said.

Plans for Easter Wife: What are your plans for Easter? Husband: Same as Jesus.. Wife: What do you mean ?? Husband:I will disappear on Friday and reappear on Monday!!

The meaning of Easter Three guys are converting to Catholicism, to get a feel for how much they know, the priest asks if they know the meaning of Easter. first guy says ""yeah, that's when Jesus was born."" ""no, that's Christmas"" explains the priest. second guy says ""that's when we thank god for everything, with the pilgrims and indians and all that"" ""no, that's Thanksgiving"" says the priest. third guy says ""Easter is when Jesus died, they buried him in a cave with a huge boulder and thre…

I was in an elevator with the Easter bunny yesterday It was a hare raising experience.

I went to an Easter Egg hunt without a permit... ...They caught me poaching eggs.

What did the little girl's parents want for Christmas? A better son.

Why didn't Timmy get his parents Christmas presents? He's an orphan.

On New Year's Eve, a boy asked his dad if it was okay to go out and celebrate the New Years with friends. His dad said okay and that he could go. Right before the boy left, his dad reminded him to not stay out too late and to be back home before midnight.