Saint Peters Jokes

It's Christmas and three men die in a fiery wreck. They arrive at the Pearly Gates and are met by Saint Peter. ""Since it's Christmas the anniversary of the birth of our Saviour, to get into heaven you just need to show me some Christmas spirit and you may have eternal peace."" The first guy takes out his keys and shakes them. ""Jingle Bells"" he says. ""Alright."" Says Saint Peter. ""You're in"" The second guy pulls out his lighter and lights it. ""Candle."" he says, ""Yup."" Says Saint Peter. …

Three guys die and go to the pearly gates.... So St. Peter says in light of it being Christmas I'll send you back to earth if you can present something to me that symbolizes Christmas. So the first guy pulls out his keys jingles them around: these are Jingle bells The second guy pulls a white cotton out from his pocket: this is Santa's beard Third guy checked every pocket he has and he produces a pair of women's underwear. So after thinking for a second he puts the underwear under Saint Peters n…

The priests first week at work (long but worth it) A priest begins the first day of his new job and is extremely nervous about speaking to the congregation. While giving his sermon his anxiety gets the best of him and he freezes. All of those people hanging on his every word, and all he can do is stutter. He gives up and walks back to his office to sulk. Later that day the head priest comes in his office with a bottle of vodka and says "" when I get nervous I sip some vodka, everyone thinks it's…

Bob knows a lot of people Bob's a factory worker, and one day, the boss is showing a bunch of Japanese investors around the factory. One of them sees Bob, and they promptly exchange handshakes and start talking like long lost friends. Afterwards, Bobs boss asks him what that was about. Bob just replies 'oh, I know him from a few years back, I actually know a lot of important people.' His boss is sceptic, but Bob replies: 'Tell you what, name anyone you can think off, I bet you that they know…

A world-class engineer dies after a long and happy life. When he goes to be judged at the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter accidentally screws up his papers and sends him to hell. Satan is more than happy to have him, as he doesn't get many engineers and could put this guy to some great use. With the engineer's help, Satan makes renovation after renovation and increases the efficiency and quality of all of the workings of Hell beyond what he ever dreamed. Meanwhile, God is checking over al of Saint P…

Three dead men arrive at Saint Peter's gates... Saint Peter explains that before they are allowed in, they need to tell him the story of their death. The first man explains, "Well, I was having a bad day at work, so I left early and came home. When I got to my apartment, I noticed that my wife was there, and loud moans were coming from the bedroom. I thought she might have a man in there so I ran and got my hammer, and couldn't help but start shouting that I was going to kill him. I get into t…

Three dead men arrive at Saint Peter's gates... Saint Peter explains that before they are allowed in