Holiday Jokes

What does deaf, mute and blind person get for christmas? Cancer

Why do Mexicans make burritos? So they can unwrap something for Christmas!

Why does the KKK like christmas? Because it's the one day that they have an excuse to hang coloured balls from trees.

A bit of Christmas Doggerel Oh, you better not shout, you better not cry, you better bite the pillow, cuz I'm going in dry.

What do Muslims eat for Thanksgiving? Quran-berries!

What does my mom and a turkey have in common? They both died on Thanksgiving

Trump writing a thanksgiving tweet I love the people of Turkey!`` Related: https://twitter.com/realdonaldtrump/status/728297587418247168

I've never liked new years at time square They always drop the ball

Why don't blacks celebrate thanksgiving? KFC isnt open on holidays

Little Boy And His Train Set There was a little boy playing in the living room with his electric train set that he got for Christmas while his mother was in the kitchen doing all the dishes. The mother heard the train stop and heard her son say ""All you sons of a bitches that want to disembark get off the damn train, any of you bastards wanting to board, get on this damn thing cause we are fixing to take off"". The mother immediately dropped what she was doing and ran in the living room, yanked…

The Jokes,, About ''Thanks Giving'' Enjoy it....... After Thanksgiving dinner, the adults gathered in the living room to exchange reminiscences, while the children went into the family room to play. Suddenly our hostess noticed that an elderly relative was missing. ""Where's Aunt Florence?"" she asked. From across the room came a masculine drawl, ""Oh, she's with the kids, bridging the generation gap.""

My Grandson Is A Smart Egg... At the mall, my five-year-old grandson joined the other children in line waiting to sit on the Easter Bunny's lap. When it was his turn, Jake didn't move; he just stared. ""Don't you want to sit on the bunny's lap?"" I asked ""No No!"" He's Shouted, "" there is a MAN in his Mouth""

What did the little black boy get for Christmas? My bike

Two veteran comedians were at a Christmas party. ""What sort of a set-up is this anyway? There's a line over there for bad food, another one for terrible champagne, which one are we in?"" ""I think this is the shitty punch line.""

What did the Mexican family get for Christmas? Deported

My new years resolution is the same as last year. 1920x1080

What do you call Jamal's dad during Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years? Hide n' Seek World Champion 2010-2016

What's the best way to prepare a turkey for Thanksgiving dinner? Just be *honest* with it man...

What did the buddhist monk say when he was asked if he was leaving? Na 'ma stay. (namaste) Grandfather joke at Easter dinner last sunday. Sorry.

Merry christmas and happy new year! - Internet explorer

Music Jokes? Yes! Did you hear about the kid who got shocked at the playground? - He was on the *electric slide.* My friend enjoys hunting for precious metals. - She's a real *gold digger.* I can't find my bible, my cross, or my Christmas tree. - I'm really *losing my religion.* Did I tell you about the time I tried to comfort the dying hotel chain? - It told me not to worry, Four *Seasons don't fear the reaper.* My car broke down on Sunday morning, luckily a man stopped to help. - He said he co…

What's Bernie Sanders favorite Christmas Carols? deck the halls with boughs of free cash

I was going to make a scene when they told me I couldn't join the Easter Egg hunt... ...instead I just left without a Peep.

Easter Kids' Joke Why can't you sniff out Easter Eggs? (In a tone like you have no idea) ""No bunny nose"" -Made up this morning in bed to a very dissatisfied girlfriend

What kind of stories does Eli Whitney tell on Easter? Cottontales