If you want to play frisbee Buy a frozen pizza instead of a frisbee And when you get hungry from playing frisbee Eat your frisbee#Food0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
You're a vegetarian who eats fish? I guess that makes sense since bears are basically vegetarians.#Animals#Food#One-Liner0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
It must be very traumatic for my wife to be at work knowing I'm home alone getting bread crumbs on the kitchen counter. Let's pray for her.#Marriage#Food0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
*takes bite of food and immediately spits it out in disgust* What the?! Oh, I accidentally bought Hamburger Hinderer#Food#One-Liner0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
A conversation between 2 vegans: "I'm a vegan." "I'm a vegan too." "Oh." "So...you're a vegan?" "Yes, I am a vegan." "Me too."#Food0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
Dance like no one's watching & cook like someone else is cleaning up that shit.#Food#One-Liner0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
Always get double toppings on take out pizza so you can eat one of the toppings off as an appetizer during your drive home.#Food0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
if i were a white vegan satanist i would constantly say stuff like "kale satan" and "i love the dark gourd" and nobody would stop me#Food0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
How boring my life has become! The only time I hear myself say, "I'm coming" is when I'm trying to tell my dog I'm getting his food ready!#Animals#Food0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
The best way to prepare for Motherhood is to put Dora on TV for 9 months, set your alarm for every 45 minutes and throw food on your floors.#Dora#Food0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
If Donald Trump becomes president all the immigrants nd their cultures gunna leave nd white people gunna be stuck with their nasty ass food#Donald Trump#Food#Politics0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
When most people say, "I'm on a diet," what they mean is, "I eat exactly as much as I normally do, but now I feel guilty about it."#Food0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
An egg with 28 followers says I'm not funny. So if you need me, I'll just be in the kitchen making an omelette.#Food#One-Liner0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
[restaurant] WAITER: [brings bill] ME: I got this DATE: Thanks ME: [gets out piggy bank] [hits it w/ hammer] [it is filled w/ bees] ME: RUN#Money#Food0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
Sitting across from a table of cops at a restaurant and convinced im going to get arrested for how gross I look eating this chicken wrap#Animals#Food0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
*Eats a Lean Cuisine *20 minutes go by. *Devours entire Pizza Hut store...including employees.#Pizza Hut#Food#One-Liner0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
I think I CAN wander the restaurant with my robe open and eat off of your plate, sir. This is Olive Garden. When you're here, you're family.#Sir This#Olive Garden#Food0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
CASHIER: $57.85 ME: do u accept food stamps C: of course M: sweet *presses my apple stamper to an ink pad* which hand do u want it on#Food0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
2,000 calories of junk food costs just $3.52 a day. 2,000 calories of dense nutritional foods costs $36.32 a day. No wonder people are fat.#Food0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
I always bring in a dozen donuts to work the first day after the New Year, just for my coworkers on a diet.#Food#Holiday#One-Liner0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
"That's a wrap, everybody." ~movie director identifying delicious food#Food#One-Liner0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
The Very Hungry Caterpillar taught me that I can binge eat carbs and then take a two week nap and I'll become beautiful.#Food0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
During lunch I asked my food server which salad she preferred. She said, "Either one! They're both amazeballs!" I got a hamburger.#Food0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
A kiss so passionate you have first degree burns from the melted cheese on the pizza.#Food#One-Liner0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
Fail-proof diet: cut sugar, fats, pasta, alcohol, bread and wrists.#Food#Bar#One-Liner0🔗 ShareWhatsApp