First Woman Jokes

3 nuns die in a bus crash St. Peter greets them in heaven, ""you've all lead exceptional lives resisting sin and serving the Lord. It's merely a formality, but I have to give you a short quiz before allowing you into heaven. I'll make it quick and easy."" To the first nun he asked, ""who was the first man?"" She answered, ""that's easy! Adam!"" The bells of heaven ring, the gates of heaven open, and she walks in. To the second, ""who was the first woman?"" ""That's easy! Eve!"" The bells of heav…

I quacked up reading this! Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, ""We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"" So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, …

Hillary, fighting to be the first woman President, leads Sanders in the South Carolina Democratic Presidential Primary - Clinton 61%, Sanders 31% As Senator Lindsay Graham put it: ""South Carolina is Bush country."" I know, it's terrible.

hahahahaha wishes of three ladies.... Three women were trapped on an island. They needed to get across the water to the mainland. They came across a genie who said, ""I will grant you ladies three wishes."" The first woman said, ""Turn me into a fish"" and she swam across the water to the other island. The second woman said, ""Give me a boat"" and she rowed to the other side. The third woman said, ""Turn me into a man"" and she walked across the bridge.

Three nuns die... Three nuns die in a horribly unfortunate communion accident, and appear together at the pearly gates. They begin to confidently stride in and St. Peter appears and holds up his hands ""One minute ladies, but due to a recent resurgence in faith, Heaven is rapidly filling up, so the Big Guy has instituted an entrance exam to control the numbers"" The nuns begin to vehemently protest ""I know, I know,"" says St Peter, ""you dedicated your lives to God, and are all unquestionably d…

Two women are walking down the street when the first woman leans over to the other and says, ""isn't that your husband walking out of the florist."" The second women looked over and said, ""yes damn it, that means i'm going to have to put my legs in the air for three days."" The first looks over to the second and say, ""why don't you just buy a vase?""

Three Nuns Get Quizzed In Heaven Three nuns die and go to heaven, but all must answer one question to get in. The first nun is asked, ""Who was the first man on Earth?"" She says, ""Adam."" Lights flash and the pearly gates open. The second nun is asked, ""Who was the first woman on Earth?"" She says, ""Eve."" Lights flash and the gates open. The third nun is asked, ""What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?"" Puzzled, the nun is says, ""Hmmm, that's a hard one."" Lights flash and the pearly g…

3 women were at the gates of Heaven in front of St. Peter... The first woman approached him and he said ""Please confess to your sins to enter the gates of Heaven."" She said ""well I gave a man a hand job once."" Peter replied ""Please dip your hand into the holy water and you may proceed through the gates."" The second woman was about to reply, but the third woman skipped in front of her and said ""If you think I'm gonna put that water in my mouth after she dips her ass in it you are out of yo…

Where is your Husband? Three women sit in a beauty parlor talking about their husbands. The first woman says, ""Last night my husband said he was going to his office, but when I called they said he wasn't there!"" ""I know!"" the next woman says, ""Last night my husband said he was going to his brother's house, but when I called he wasn't there."" The third woman says, ""I always know where my husband is."" ""Impossible!"" both women exclaim, ""He has you completely fooled!"" ""Oh no,"" says the…

Woman and her friends. ""She told me,"" a woman complained to a friend, ""that you told her the secret I told you not to tell her."" ""Well,"" replied her friend in a hurt tone, ""I told her not to tell you I told her."" ""Oh, dear,"" sighed the first woman. ""Don't tell her I told you that she told me.""

That's a hard one... On their way home from church, three little old women were in a horrible car crash. When they made it up to heaven St. Peter was waiting for them at the pearly gates. Before letting them in St. Peter told them that they hadn't lived the best life, as they had just recently started going to church to try and make up for it and told them that they had to answer a single question to get into heaven. St. Peter asked the first woman what was the name of the angel of death and she…

Another three nuns die in a car crash St. Peter confronts them at the gates of heaven. ""Sisters, welcome! You are devote, except for that bingo hall incident."" The sisters hold their heads low in silent acknowledgment. Peter continues, ""So, you must be held accountable for your transgression. I will give you a test of Bible knowledge, but because your lives were... mostly... guilt free, it will be an easy one."" The nuns nod in agreement. To the first, ""who was the first man?"" ""That's easy…

Three nuns waiting to get into heaven.. So three Nuns await at the pearly white gates to get into heaven. St. Peter tells them that they must each answer one question each correctly before being allowed in. St. Peter: First nun, your question is, who was the first man on the planet? First Nun: Oh that's an easy one, Adam! St. Peter: That's correct you may enter! Second Nun, your question is, who was the first woman on the planet? Second Nun: Well that was Eve of course! St. Peter: That is correc…

Three women go to heaven... Upon entering the pearly gates God states, ""You can live a blissful life with anything you can dream of for all eternity. However, you must not step on any of the ducks!"" The women look around to see the floor crowded with waddling ducks. Years go by without a hiccup. Finally after 10 years the first woman makes the dreaded mistake and steps on a duck. Immediately she in handcuffed to the most hideous, grotesque man she has ever seen. God states, ""This shall remain…

Teresa Lewis has become the first woman in America to be executed in the last 5 years. Apparently she could have been spared execution if she had an IQ level below 70. Hers was 72. You have to question the intelligence of someone who passes an IQ test knowing full well that if they do they'll be executed.

The Haircut! Female version: First Woman: Oh, you got a haircut! That's so cute! Second Woman: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy-looking? First Woman: Oh Goodness, no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with it how it is, I think. Second Woman: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts-that would real…

Three women were talking about their husbands' performances as a lover... Three women were talking about their husbands' performances as a lover. The first woman said, ""My husband is a marriage counselor. He always buys me flowers and candies before we make love. I like that."" The second woman said, ""My husband is a motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough and slaps me around sometimes. I kind of like that."" The third woman just shook her head and said, ""My husband is a policeman. He jus…

A woman walks into an embalming and burial service office The depressed-looking woman goes up the embalmer and says, ""My husband died a few days ago in a car crash. When he died, he was in a black suit. It would be very nice if you could change his suit into one that is blue after embalming him. Blue was his favorite color, so I hope you understand."" The embalmer replies, ""I'm sorry for your loss. I will change his suit for you."" And so the sobbing woman walks out. Just 2 hours later, anothe…

Three women were trapped on an island... They needed to get across the water to the mainland. They came across a genie who said, ""I will grant you ladies three wishes."" The first woman said, ""Turn me into a fish"" and she swam across the water to the other island. The second woman said, ""Give me a boat"" and she rowed to the other side. The third woman said, ""Turn me into a man"" and she walked across the bridge.

Three Nuns Dies and Go To Heaven..... Saint Peter meets them at the gate and says ""I am going to ask each of you a question, if you get it right you can enter Heaven; but if you get it wrong you are going to Hell!"". He then turns to the first nun, a really smart brunette and says ""Who was the first man God put on Earth?""...Immediately she answered ""Adam"" so he opens the gate and lets her into Heaven. He then turns to the second nun, an average intelligence redhead and says ""Who was the fi…

Three Muslim women are sitting talking... The first one says, ""I miss my eldest son Ahmed. He was martyred in Iraq last year."" ""Oh I know,"" says the second women, ""I miss little Hamza. He drove a car-bomb into a Syrian checkpoint six months ago."" The third woman nodded, ""Me too. My Omar was a suicide bomber in Gaza, so sad."" The first woman shook her head sadly. ""Kids these days. They blow up so fast.""

Three nuns die in a car crash and next thing they know they look up to see St Peter, greeting them at the pearly gates. He looks at the first nun and tells her he is going to ask her a question regarding her religous beliefs, and if she answers correctly, she will be welcomed into heaven. He asks, ""what was the name of the first man on earth?"" She quickly answers ""Adam."" The pearly gates open up and St. Peter says, ""welcome to heaven my child."" The second nun steps up and again St. Peter h…

Microsoft-Lover Three women were sitting around talking about their husbands' performance as lovers. The first woman says, ""My Husband works as a marriage counselor. He always buys me flowers and candy before we make love. I like that."" The second woman says, ""My husband is a motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough and slaps me around sometimes. I kinda like that."" The third woman just shakes her head and says, ""My husband works for Microsoft. He just sits on the edge of the bed and tel…

Three Nuns Three nuns died in a car accident. On the way to heaven, there was a man who said ""To go to heaven you must each answer a question."" So the first nuns question was who was the first man in earth. She replied ""Oh, that's easy the first man on earth was Adam."" The second nuns question was who was the first woman on earth. She replied ""Oh, that's simple the first women on earth was Eve."" The last nuns question was what was the first thing that Eve said to Adam. Her reply was ""Oh, …

First Woman On The Moon... First woman on the Moon: ""Houston, we have a problem."" What? ""Never mind"" What's the problem? ""Nothing"" Please tell us? ""You know what the problem is.""