First Woman Jokes

Loose women 3 women are sitting at a bar conversing over lady stuff. Eventually the first woman says, "I'm so loose I can fit an entire carrot up there.." The second woman chimes in and says, "yes, well I'm so loose I can fit an entire baseball bat up there.." The Third woman slides down the bar stool

Two women die and arrive at the pearly gates of heaven. However, there's only room for one of them in heaven. So St. Peter tells each of them, "Whoever has the best thing to show me can enter." So the first woman pulls up her blouse, revealing her beautiful sweater puppies. St. Peter nods, and then turns to the other woman. The second woman lifts up her skirt and starts urinating. St. Peter nods, and says, "You may come into heaven." The first woman, protests and says, "How did I not get …

The smartest dog One day, two women were arguing about whose dog is smarter. The first woman says, "My dog's so smart, every morning he waits for the paper-boy to come around and then he takes the newspaper and brings it to me." The second woman replies, "I know.." The first woman, surprisingly ask, "How do YOU know?" The second woman says, "My dog told me."

Walking home after a girls' night out, two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee... The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that. The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her panties!" "That's nothing," says the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck between her butt cheeks that said, 'From all of us at …

3 nuns 3 nuns die and go to heaven. St Peter meets them and the pearly gates of heaven. He says to the nuns “hello ladies, I know you have lived your lives with a complete devotion to god, but it’s mandatory that I ask you each a question before you can enter”. The nuns all look at each other and then in agreement, they nod their approval. St Peter asks the first nun “Who was the first man ?” “Adam” she replied. Lightning flashes, angels with great golden horns sound, the colors of hea…

Two women waited for St. Peter at the Gates of Heaven. The first woman asked the second how she ended up there. The second woman said “It was very dark and cold and I was shivering and it was unbearable. I was so cold I slowly faded from consciousness and died. What about you?” The first woman said “I was convinced my husband was cheating on me, so I went home early from work to catch him in the act. I burst into the house but he was watching tv. I wasn’t convinced, so I tore through the…

Southern Charm Two informally dressed ladies happened to start up a conversation during an endless wait in the LAX airport. The first lady was an arrogant California woman married to a wealthy man. The second was a well mannered elderly woman from the South. When the conversation centered on whether they had any children, the California woman started by saying, "When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me." The lady from the South commented, "Well, isn't that pr…

A guys goes in a confessional Guy: Father, I've been a family man all my life. I've been married 53 years to the woman I have loved from the first time I saw her. She's the first woman I have been with, we have 3 great children, all grown up now, 5 grandchildren, the light of my eyes. I've been happy, I have lived a perfect life. But yesterday... oh... yesterday... 2 24yo, twins, blondes, excuse my language but the ass of these two... dear me... they asked for direction, I was going the same pl…

Heavenly Ducks Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: Don't step on the ducks!" So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, And although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, 'Your puni…

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven: When they get there, St. Peter says. "We only have one rule here in heaven, don’t step on the ducks!" So they enter heaven and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says. "Your punishment for step…

Three nuns die and come before St. Peter at the pearly gates. Peter welcomes them and says that they need to answer a biblical question to be admitted into Heaven. He says to the first nun, “Who was the first man?” The nun replies, “Why that would be Adam”. St Peter pushes a button and ding-ding-ding, the gates open and she goes in. Bong-bong-bong and the gates close. St. Peter says to the second nun, “Who was the first woman”. She answers, “I know, it was Eve”. St Peter pushes a button and din…

4 religious women were chatting First woman mentions her son: -My son is a priest, whenever he enters a community, people stand up and call him, "Father, welcome" The second woman doesn't seem impressed: -My son is a bishop, people call him "Your excellency" when he is in a community. The third woman talks after listening to the first two: -My son is a cardinal, when he is in a formal setting, people call him "Your eminence", and they kiss his hand. He has also met the Pope. The fourth wo…

Three blondes were walking through the woods Three blondes were walking through the woods after a snowfall. They come across some tracks and stopped to inspect them. The first woman walks up to them and crouches to get a better look.

The first woman on the Moon... ""Houston

The first woman on the moon. ""Houston we have a problem."

First woman in space ""Houston

The first woman on the Moon contacted Houston. ""Houston

Women and seduction: how (not) to Three friends meet and start chatting about their love life. The first woman has a lover

When the US elects President Susan Goldfarb ... The year is 2032 and the United States has elected the first woman President

So these two ladies walk into a mortician's office. The first woman says to the mortician

First woman on the moon W: Houston, we have a problem H: What is it? W: Nevermind its nothing H: What is the problem? W: Nothing... H: Tell us what the problem is! W: NO!

First woman on the Moon: "Houston, we have a problem." What? "Never mind" What's the problem? "Nothing" Please tell us? "You know what the problem is."

Did you know Sally Ride had blue eyes?,"Yes one blew this way and one blew that way. [Someone wrote a biography about her so I thought I'd throw this one out there to commemorate - Sally Ride:America's First Woman in Space]

Did the first woman who lived long enough to stop having her period reflect on her achievement?,"Sadly no... She never .

Did you know Sally Ride had blue eyes? Yes, one blew this way and one blew that way. [Someone wrote a biography about her so I thought I'd throw this one out there to commemorate - Sally Ride:America's First Woman in Space]