First Lady Jokes

A Washington, DC flea goes to book a vacation with his travel agent because he's been cooped up in a K Street lobbyist's crotch for the past 8 months and he feels overworked. So his travel agent says, ""You won't believe the package I've got for you! Fifteen days in Obama's haircan you believe it? He's going to be at Camp David the whole time, it should be real nice and relaxing."" The flea says yes and heads out to Camp David. But two days later he comes back to his travel agent and says, ""Wel…

Southern Charm Two informally dressed ladies happened to start up a conversation during an endless wait in the LAX airport. The first lady was an arrogant California woman married to a wealthy man. The second was a well-mannered elderly woman from the South. When the conversation centered on whether they had any children, the California woman started by saying, ""When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me."" The lady from the South commented, ""Well, bless your hea…

So Bush is elected President... ...and he decides to give Clinton a visit at the White House. So they're having drinks after dinner, conversation flowing, when Bush needs to relieve himself. He asks Bill where the urinals were, and Bill points him down a corridor, third door to the right. He notices that the urinal was golden - but assumes he was sent to a special bathroom, possibly for visiting dignitaries. Anyway, on their way home, he happens to mention this to Laura. She doesn't think it's a…

Two nicely dressed ladies happen to start up a conversation during an endless wait in the LAX airport. The first lady was an arrogant California woman married to a wealthy man. The second was a well mannered elderly woman from the South. When the conversation centered on whether they had any children the California woman started by saying, ""When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me."" The lady from the South commented, ""Well, isn't that precious?"" The first wom…

Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man in a three-piece suit. ""This young lawyer agreed to marry my daughter,"" said one. ""No! He agreed to marry MY daughter,"" said the other. And so they haggled before the King until he called for silence. ""Bring me my biggest sword,"" said Solomon, ""and I shall chop the young attorney in half. Each of you shall receive a half."" ""Sounds good to me,"" said the first lady. But the other woman said, ""Oh Sire, do not spil…

Two elderly ladies were outside their nursing home having a smoke when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom cut off the end put it over her cigarette and continued smoking. The lady asked ""What's that?"" ""A condom"" the other lady responded. ""This way my cigarette doesn't get wet."" ""Where did you get it?"" the other lady asked. ""You can get them at any drugstore."" The next day the first lady hobbled herself down to the local drugstore and announced to the pharma…

eer booze and fun!' 'Two ladies are in a bar and the first lady says ""Why are men the same as parking lots"". So the second lady says ""I don't know?"" So the first lady says "" all the good ones are taken and the ones that are left are handicap!""

Two ladies meet up for coffee... The first lady asks if she came on the bus. The other replies, "Yes, but I made it look like an asthma attack." (I work in a hospital, a patient told me this.)

Three old ladies smoking... So three old ladies are sitting on a bench in front of a drug store enjoying a nice cigarette. All of a sudden it starts raining. Two of the ladies pull out condoms, unroll them over their burning cigarettes and then continue smoking. The third lady obviously asks about this, to which another lady replies: "Well whenever it starts raining we put a condom over the cigarette which acts like a raincoat and we can keep smoking!" The first lady thinks this is such a grand…

Three ladies all have separate boyfriends named Leroy... One evening, while sharing a few drinks at the bar, one of the ladies suggests, "Let's name our Leroys after a soda pop, because I'm tired of getting my Leroy mixed up with your Leroy, and her Leroy mixed up with your Leroy." The other two ladies agree. The first lady speaks out, "Okay then, I'm gonna name my Leroy 7-Up because he has 7 inches and it's always up!" The three ladies hoot and holler, and slap each other high fives. Then,…

Three Old Ladies Three elderly women were sitting side by side in their retirement home, reminiscing. The first lady recalled shopping for groceries in the old days, and demonstrated with her hands the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny. The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper, too, and she demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece. The third old lady remarked, "I can't hear a word you're s…

The President, the First Lady, a boy scout and a pilot are on a plane. (Not sure if this one has been submitted already) Suddenly, a bird gets stuck in one of the engines, causing it to burst into flames. The pilot tells the passengers that the plane will crash, but there are only 3 parachutes on the plane. The president grabs one and says, "I am the most important man in the country! The people need me!" and quickly jumps out of the plane. The first lady grabs another parachute and says, "H…

The boy in the wheelchair Two tall, beautiful, busty blondes are walking through the shopping mall when one of them bumps into a young boy in a wheelchair. As she spins around to apologize, she notices the boy is in tears. "What's wrong sweetie?" she asks tenderly. The boy in the wheelchair replies "Well it's just, I don't have a lot of time left and I never even got a chance to try a milk shake. I can't afford it but that Dairy Queen looks so delicious." The other blond steps in "Here honey…

Off With The Panties Two neighbor women are taking their weekly walk together, when one of the women begins to complain about the heat. The other lady states, "I took my panties off three blocks ago, and now I'm much cooler. You should really try it." "I don't know. That seems kind of weird, but I guess I'll try it" the first lady replied. After a couple blocks, she confesses that the wind making its way up her skirt is refreshing indeed. Two blocks later, the women notice another woman si…

Three old ladies are discussing their husbands while having tea. Three old ladies are out for tea and discussing their husbands performance in the sack. They decide to have some fun and describe their husbands as soda pops. The first lady says "my husband is probably Mountain Dew. Because when im ready to mount. Hes ready to do" The second lady says, still giggling, "My hudband is 7 up, cause when its seven hes always up" The third lady says "My husband is defenitely Jack Daniels" The other …

Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench when a man in a long coat walks up to them and exposes himself... The first old lady says, "My goodness!" and immediately has a stroke. The second lady, seeing the first lady, also has a stroke. The third lady couldn't reach.

Hillary Clinton is elected President. On her first night in the White House (not counting when she was first lady), she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks, "What can I do to help America?" Washington replies "Serve your country selflessly and always be honest" *Hillary laughs in his face* On her second day in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson. She asks, "What can I do to help America?" Jefferson replies "Remember that governments derive t…

Three elderly ladies were sitting on a... Park bench minding their own business when they heard a rustle coming from the bushes. Suddenly and a man jumped out of the bushes and flashed them. The first lady yelled in shock and had a stroke. The second lady yelled in shock and had a stroke. The third lady’s arm was too short to reach.

Two older women were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking. . First Lady:Whats that? Second Lady: A condom. This way my cigarette doesnt get wet. First Lady: Where did you get it? Second Lady : You can get them at any drugstore. The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy…

Southern Charm Two informally dressed ladies happened to start up a conversation during an endless wait in the LAX airport. The first lady was an arrogant California woman married to a wealthy man. The second was a well mannered elderly woman from the South. When the conversation centered on whether they had any children, the California woman started by saying, "When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me." The lady from the South commented, "Well, isn't that pr…

Ducks Three old ladies died and went to Heaven. The first lady met St. Peter at the gate. "Welcome to Heaven! You can do whatever you want, but whatever you do, you must not step on a duck." The woman was confused. She soon found out there were ducks everywhere. On the third day there, she stepped on a duck. St. Peter showed up with a hideous looking man and made them face each other. They were handcuffed together for eternity. The second woman was also greeted by St. Peter with the same w…

If Joe Biden’s wife is called the first lady, what do we call his mother? Joe mama.

Why does everyone think China's first lady is so naughty? Because that's what Xi said.

I know that we don't all agree on our new president But at least the first lady is someone we can all get behind.

Four ladies were bragging to one another about how successful their sons were. First Lady: My son is a priest. When he walks into a room