Dublin Jokes

An English man, Irish man and Scottish man... Are on a plane and the pilot comes out and issues everyone a challange, "if you can guess where we are by sticking your hand out of the window ill give you 50 grand" the Scottish man quickly jumps up and sticks his hand out of the window "we are in Dundee" he guessed, the pilot shakes his head. Then the Irish man trys "we are in Dublin" he guesses, again the pilot shakes his head, then the English man steps up, "we are in Liverpool" he says, shocked…

A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress walked into a bar in Dublin. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit and, as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar she asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?" The bar went silent as patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an owly-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!" The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned…

Two guys in a bar Two old men are sitting in a bar. One of them looks at the other & says “You look familiar… where you from?” The second old man replies “Ireland” The first old man looks astonished & says ” No way I’m from Ireland myself, what a small world!” The second old man then looks at the first “What city?” The first old man says “Dublin?” The second old man looks astonished “No way I’m from Dublin meself! What a small world.” The first man looks at the second old ma…

An Irishman walks into a bar. . . . . . and there is only one other guy in the bar. He goes down and sits next to the guy. He orders a big beer. The other guy says, “I couldn’t help noticing by your accent you seem to be from Ireland.” The other guy says, “As a matter of fact I am. Let’s drink to Ireland.” And they do and tell the bartender to set them up again. Then one asks, “Where are you from in Ireland?” The other says,”I’m from Dublin.” The other exclaimed, “That’s amazing! I’m from Dubli…

A couple were in a busy shopping center in Dublin just before Christmas. The husband wandered off as she was standing in line, saying something about being back in a little bit. After getting through the line, Paddy wasn't back yet and since they still had more shopping to do, the wife called him on the mobile. The wife said, "Where are you?" He said, " You remember the jewelers we went into about 10 years ago, and you fell in love with that diamond necklace? I couldn't afford it at the time an…

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it, it would taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left ho…

Why are the Irish so wealthy? Because their capital is always Dublin.

An American walks into a Dublin pub and orders an Irish Car Bomb The Bartender says: >I'll do ya one better. He sets down two tall shot glasses, fills them with Bacardi 101, and lights them on fire before passing them to the American and saying: >Twin Towers.

Brothers An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we…

Why are Irish bankers so successful? Because their capital’s always Dublin.

An Irish Teacher asks her class An Irish teacher asks her class to use the word "contagious". Roland, the teacher's pet, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my mum said it was contagious." "Well done, Roland," says the teacher. "Can anyone else try?" Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma says there's a bug going round, and it's contagious." "Well done, Katie," says the teacher. "Anyone else?" Little Sean jumps up and says in a broad Dublin accent, "Our…

Murphy's Pub **Two men were sitting next to each other at Murphy's Pub in London. After awhile, one bloke looks at the other and says, “I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Ireland.”** **The other bloke responds proudly, “Yes, that I am!”** **The first one says, “So am I! And where about from Ireland might you be?”** **The other bloke answers, “Im from Dublin, I am.”** **The first one responds, “So am I!”** **“Mother Mary and begorra. And what street did you live…

Test Late one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening. "Aye, so I have. 'Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called "Happy Hour" and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five o' those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and O' course I had to g…

Light a Candle Mrs. Murphy was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Brennan. The father said, "Aren't ye Mrs. Murphy, and didn't I marry ye and yer man two years ago?" "Aye, that ye did, father," she replied. Father Brennan asked, "and be there any wee little ones yet?" "No, no, not yet, father," she answered, eyes downcast. "Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a candle for ye and yer husband," he told her. She replied, "oh, thank ye, father." The…

At the National Art Gallery in Dublin a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused.

One crazy irish hunting trip A solicitor from Dublin

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's Day. Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's Day. Mick

Why does Ireland have the fastest growing economy in the world? Because its capital is Dublin all the time!

What country’s capital is the fastest growing? Ireland’s Every year it’s Dublin

Paddy tries to get lucky A petrol station owner in Dublin was trying to increase his sales

An Irish Ghost story (long) This story happened a while ago in Dublin

Which country has the fastest growing capitol? Ireland. It's Dublin every year.

A large woman wearing a sleeveless sundress walked into a bar in Dublin.

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin

A man called Andrew moved from Cork to Dublin to open a flower shop. He was quite successful and through great marketing