Donald Jokes

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My dad has a great idea for Donald Trump's campaign slogan. ""Vote for me in 2016 or there'll be hell toupee.""

I was walking through a mall near Portland and I saw that there was a ""Muslim"" book Store. I was wondering what exactly was in a Muslim bookstore so I went in. As I was wandering around taking a look, the clerk stopped me and asked if he could help me. I imagine I didn't look like his normal clientele, so I asked, ""Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. Immigration Policy regarding Muslims and illegal Mexicans?"" The clerk said, ""F--- off, get out and stay out!"" I said, ""Yes…

If We Elect Donald Trump President.

What is Donald Trump's Favorite Sport? *Deportes*

Donald Trump's Vice President... ...Charlie Sheen, cause they will be Winning!

What is Donald Trump's favorite holiday? Cinco De Porto!

Donald Trump's Campaign

Why are Donald Trump's books always do confusing? Because they start at chapter 11.

Wanna hear a joke? Donald trumps presidential candidacy.

George bush was attending a morning press conference... Donald rumsfeld read the daily briefings aloud ""This morning, 3 Brazilian soilders were killed"" ""OH MY GOD THATS TERRIBLE"" Screamed the president The room went silent, everyone was stunned by the presidents emotional outburst. A moment passed when George asked in a quiet Texas tone ""how many is three brazillion?""

Two Scotsmen are drinking in a pub... ...discussing insurance. ""Aye,"" says Jock, ""I had a friend who killed himself for the insurance money."" ""How much did he get?"" asks Donald, interested. ""Nothin',"" slurs Jock, ""it was only Third Party.""

Why did Mickey get hit but Donald didn't Because Donald Duck.

(Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator) The Honorable Tom Harkin 731 Hart Senate Office Building Phone (202) 224 3254 Washington DC, 20510 Dear Senator Harkin, As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you. My primary reason for wishing to change my status fro…

Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Mann went to study at an English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there. After he had been there a month, his mother came to visit him. ""And how do you find the English students, Donald?"" she asked. ""Mother,"" he replied, ""they're such terrible, noisy people. The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all night."" ""Oh Donald! How do you m…

A man brought his son to a grocery store... A man brought his son to a grocery store, but as soon as they walked in the store the young child began to throw a temper tantrum. While they went down each aisle the child would yell, throw items in and out of the cart, and overall just be an annoyance. Despite the scene his son was causing, the father was cool and collected, slowly and calmly saying, "Don't worry, Donald. It'll be alright, Donald, we'll be home soon." A nearby mother was very im…

Donald Trump's Presidential Campaign

A man died and went to heaven... A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the pearly gates he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?" St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks, everyone on earth has a lie clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move." "Oh," said the man, "Whose clock is that?" "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie." "Incredible," said the man. …

George Bush was visiting the queen of England... when he asked her "I must say, you run a real tight ship over here, would you mind telling me some of your secrets or advice?". The queen said "sure, its quite simple, I surround myself with smart people, for example, watch this". She then calls upon Tony Blair. "Tony, I have a simple question, if you mother has a child and your father has a child, and it's not your brother or sister, then who is it?" Tony Blair thinks for a moment and responds…

What's with all the clocks? A man who recently died had a meeting with God. He was waiting outside, looking at a large wall of clocks outside his office. God stepped out to invite him inside. **M:** Hey, what's with all these clocks? **G:** Ah, this is the wall shows every lie everyone has ever told. The lies are represented by clocks. Every time someone tells a lie, the clock moves 1 minute. **M:** Wow there's a lot of people up here. Look, George Washington's clock never moved! Mine is at …

Donald Trump and his chauffeur are driving on a country road Donald Trump and his chauffeur are driving on a country road. Suddenly, a pig runs in front of the car. The chauffeur has no time to react, and runs over it, giving it instant death. The chauffeur stops the car, gets out and looks around. He spots a small farm-house in the distance. Donald says to his chauffeur, "You should at least tell them that you've killed the pig" The chauffeur does as he's told. A couple of hours later, t…

Donald Trump dies and goes to heaven... He soon reaches the pearly gates, and is greeted by St. Peter himself. Donald notices a wall of clocks behind St. Peter, some of them ticking, and some are not, and asks, "What's with all the clocks?" St. Peter replies, "These are Lie-Clocks, every person on Earth and in Heaven has one, and they tick once every time you tell a lie. Over here we have Sylvia Brown's, which is moving once every 2 seconds. On the other hand, Mother Teresa's Lie-Clock has not…

What does Donald Trump's hair get at the end of each day?

What's the difference between Donald and a piece of fruit? Oranges have thick skin. Let the downvotes fly, people! You've only got one! Edit: Did not expect this joke to get this good of a reception. Thanks, guys!

Donald Trump is flying over New York City He looks out of the window and says to his family, "You know what, I'm gonna throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy!" His son looks at him and says, "Dad, why don't you throw two hundred $5 bills out of the window? Then you can make two hundred people happy." Donald says, "Son, that's a great idea!" His wife turns to him and says, "Donald, why not throw one thousand $1 bills out the window? You could make one thousand p…