Washingtons Jokes

George Washington's underage brother got into taverns by using the dollar as a fake ID.

I bet George Washington's favorite drinking game had to have been Quarters.

Clocks in Heaven A woman passes away and finds herself at the Pearly Gates, with an angel showing her around. One thing she immediately notices is that there are a LOT of clocks in Heaven. Billions. She asks the angel who explains. ""Everyone, past or present, gets a clock when they are born. Each time you tell a lie, the second hand moves once."" She is amazed at this and goes looking. She finds Mother Theresa's clock and notices it's moved three times. George Washington's clock hasn't moved at…

What's George Washington's favorite song. Doesn't matter, just as long as it's royalty-free.

Chelsea Clinton is so patriotic That she wore George Washington's wooden teeth for her speech last night

Heaven's Clocks A woman passes away and finds herself at the Pearly Gates, with an angel showing her around. One thing she immediately notices is that there are a LOT of clocks in Heaven. Billions. She asks the angel who explains. ""Everyone, past or present, gets a clock when they are born. Each time you tell a lie, the second hand moves once."" She is amazed at this and goes looking. She finds Mother Theresa's clock and notices it's moved three times. George Washington's clock hasn't moved at …

Yo momma's so fat... ...she sat on a quarter and squeezed a booger out of George Washington's nose!

George Washington's bark was from the same tree as his bite.

a few lighter-side ""yo momma"" jokes in general, the vast majority of ""yo momma"" jokes I hear are simply nasty or mean, with the only ""humour"" lying in the gross factor and/or the insulting nature of the dig (obviously those belong in /r/insults). but every now and then I hear a good one that makes me genuinely laugh, usually because of a silly and/or unexpected element. here's a selection: yo momma's so short on her driver's license picture you can see her feet yo momma's glasses are so th…

When George Washington was crossing the Delaware River with his troops, there were 33 (remember this number) in Washington's boat. It was extremely dark and storming furiously and the water was tossing them about. Finally, Washington grabbed Corporal Peters (remember this name) and stationed him at the front of the boat with a lantern. He ordered him to keep swinging it, so they could see where they were heading. Corporal Peters, through driving rain and cold, continued swinging the lantern back…

Martin ended a letter to his dad with this question 'Is Washington's picture still on the dollar bill?' His Father wrote back 'Of course it is. Why do you ask?' Martin answered 'Because it's been so long since I've seen one!'

President's Day jokes Q. Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping? A. Because he couldn't lie. Q. What do you call George Washington's false teeth? A. Presidentures! Q. What would George Washington be if he were alive today? A. Really, really, really old! Abraham Lincoln made many humorous quotes and jokes in his lifetime: It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues. Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. Better to re…

What's with all the clocks? A man who recently died had a meeting with God. He was waiting outside, looking at a large wall of clocks outside his office. God stepped out to invite him inside. **M:** Hey, what's with all these clocks? **G:** Ah, this is the wall shows every lie everyone has ever told. The lies are represented by clocks. Every time someone tells a lie, the clock moves 1 minute. **M:** Wow there's a lot of people up here. Look, George Washington's clock never moved! Mine is at …

Putin and Obama meet in Moscow They're debating the merits of their respective societies. They argue about moral values and which country is doing better. Obama: I've heard that all Russian are alcoholics. Putin: That's a Russophobic myth. I bet there's not a single drunk out in Moscow tonight. Obama: I don't believe you. I bet if we take your limo out for a spin I'll see some drunks staggering around. Putin: Okay, let me prove you wrong. We'll drive around and if you see a single drunk y…

What's George Washington's favorite element? Americium-1776

What color was George Washington's white horse? Haha morons