Dating Jokes

My little sister is bringing her black boyfriend to my grandparents' house for Thanksgiving so I'm bringing popcorn and a comfortable chair.

do you qualify to be my crush? *pulls out list* *checks off has a beating heart* yup you qualify

Me: "Can I buy you a drink?" Her: "I have a boyfriend." Me to barman: "A beer for me and a 'I have a boyfriend' for the lady."

In case you haven't checked Facebook, It's hot today, the fireworks were beautiful, and 32 friends invited you to play candy crush!

will you marry me? "OMG YES! I love you!!!" *imagines typing only 4 characters for 'wife' instead of 'girlfriend' on Twitter* I love you too

I really wish my twitter crush would scream out my name instead of 'hey you' every time he catches me in the tree in his front yard.

So Stub Hub isn't a dating site for quadriplegics?

I want my boyfriend to get a tattoo on his neck so I won't have to worry about him getting a job and not having time to hang out with me.

Before listening to your opinions on current events, I'm going to first need to check your DVR recordings for reality TV dating shows.

Women my age expect a man to have his shit together by now. Time to start dating younger women.

The best thing about dating someone with a barbed wire tattoo is knowing that you won't be known as their "worst regret" when you break up.

Dating is just deciding if you like a person more than being lonely, then choosing wrong.

[2025] Dad, Mum, this is my girlfriend. You might recognise her, she used to be quite famous *the laugh-cry emoji steps forward shyly*

I'm looking for a girlfriend that likes me for my money, but is really bad at math...

Girlfriend bugging you to get married? Propose to her in the most inappropriate place. "I'll have the McChicken. AND YOUR HAND IN MARRIAGE!"

If we paid teachers more, they'd probably stop dating their students. At this point, a 16 year old working at Quiznos doubles their income.

When my 9 year old gets off the phone with his girlfriend, I'm going to ask him for some dating advice.

STOP HITTING ON MY TWITTER CRUSH YOU... YOU... EQUALLY UNKNOWN INTERNET DUDE!

Your ex-girlfriend has endorsed you on LinkedIn for "Ignoring Glaring Personal Issues!"

I don't want a boyfriend. Just someone to call me beautiful, love me right, and fix the clogged drain in my bathtub. Mostly the drain thing.

My twitter crush just broke up with me for saying WWE wasn't real. The irony is not lost here.

You hurt the feelings of a person who was once the crush of a person who was once a friend of mine so you're a BAD person. ~ internet logic

DATING TIP: Girls love sensitive guys. Loudly wince when she touches you. Re-apply sunblock 38 times. Bring up how often your gums bleed.

Do these jeans make me look fat? And don't cover your nose this time! -Pinocchio's girlfriend

*goes down on one knee* One Knee: I have a girlfriend