Dating Jokes

The only meal my girlfriend ever makes for me is alphabet soup because even when we aren't fighting she still loves to put words in my mouth

Speed Dating Tell me something about yourself I have 3 cats What do u do for fun I have 3 cats What are you most proud about I have 3 Next

I may be dating myself here, but the restaurant doesn't mind my intricate placement of mirrors that fool me into believing I'm not alone.

In third grade a boy gave me a valentine that said "You're the Obi Wan for me" and that's the highlight of my entire dating experience.

A girl's tinder bio said "I would die without food" uh okay me too

[on a date] Play it cool don't let her know you're a refrigerator [her ex-boyfriend turns off the electricity] "This isn't cool man."

If you cry every day in your relationship.. sit down, take a deep breath & ask yourself, "Am I dating a Human or an Onion?"

My girlfriend's father got mad that I proposed to her without asking him first but there's just no way I would ever marry that guy.

You can tell a lot about a man by the way he calls off the wedding and starts dating your brother.

Cable guy's here. I plan on yelling "DON'T MAKE ME HIT YOU IN FRONT OF HIM!" to my girlfriend before he leaves.

[zombie apocalypse] *my girlfriend becomes zombie* More like zom-BAE! Haha hang on I have to tweet that. *is eaten right away*

My 16yo daughters boyfriend struggled with a capri sun for the last 10 minutes. I think it's ok to leave her alone with him.

My boyfriend is being so nice to me since I showed him how easy it was to remove blood from carpeting...

HAHA ME AND MY NEW BOYFRIEND QUIT SMOKING TOGETHER NO ONE WILL GET MURDERED FOR SURE.

Not now ex-boyfriend. Someone favorited 2 of my tweets. I'm a huge deal around there now & you lost your chance. Just kidding. What time?

*Learns sign language to keep arguing with boyfriend while giving the silent treatment*

i can't wait til my boyfriend breaks up with me im gonna eat so much ICE CREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

Please don't tag me in photos where I'm not wearing my roller skates, I'm looking for a boyfriend.

My wife told me to strive for perfection, so I divorced her and started dating a swimsuit model.

My crush said we can't be together because he's seeing another woman so I asked him to rub his eyes and check if I still look different.

Dear boyfriend, i can make ur girlfriend scream louder than u can. Sincerely, spiders

"Paper or plastic?" Sorry i have a boyfriend "Thats cool, but how should i bag your grocer-" I think we should just be friends

[dean tries handing me a diploma as I walk across the stage] I have a boyfriend

Your dating profile said you were a night owl.....eat this mouse.

I am meeting my twitter crush in a few days and I have officially added "Please let me wind up in a trunk and not a freezer" In my prayers