Dating Jokes

If you tell your girlfriend you think the girl at in the corner shop fancies you, you'll never have to pop out to get bread and milk again

angel of God: mary u shall give birth to the son of God himself & he shall be named Jesus & shall die on a cross mary: i have a boyfriend

Dating tip: surprise your date by being a giraffe

I'm no different than any other bachelor. I put my pants on one leg at a time and clean the house once every new girlfriend.

Cop: Why are your eyes bloodshot? Me: My girlfriend dumped me and I was crying... Cop: Oh. Me: ...so I smoked weed to feel better.

Me: I want to take you home and drink you up baby Case of beer: I have a boyfriend

My girlfriend said she bought the lingerie for me, but then got upset when I put it on... I dont get women.

in 1st grade a kid teased me by saying the pink power ranger was my girlfriend, which, man, that would have been quite a pull for a 6-yr-old

I hope my memory foam mattress doesn't remember the man in my bed last night and tell my boyfriend.

it's very distracting hearing your girlfriend being mauled by a tiger as you try to read "big cat owners monthly".

My boyfriend is so cute I decided to get another.

Taylor Swift told Vanity Fair she's not a "clingy, insane, desperate girlfriend" through various voicemails and texts at 3 AM

Good cop: You have the right to remain silent Girlfriend cop: What's wrong? Why are you being so quiet? Are you mad? I hate when you're lik

Sorry girl, you know you were dating a bad boy *heads out to fight boss without saving or buying potions*

My boyfriend wants to do it like three times a week-----together. He's so demanding!

Tinder for dudes is mostly scrolling through the mini cards they hand you on a Las Vegas Blvd street corner

My girlfriend wants to be in a long distance relationship, according to this restraining order.

Buddy: her boyfriend was killed? Me: Yeah, she said he was hung like a horse but I'm like, who even kills horses like that?

I'm romantic so I treat my girlfriend to a candlelight dinner every night, plus she's getting fat and candlelight has like zero calories.

I would rather crush the shit out of the back of my shoes than bend over and put them on properly.

Every Thanksgiving I say my boyfriend broke up with me so my family lets me overeat without shame.

My girlfriend just called me old fashioned. I almost dropped my Walkman.

I've watched three episodes of "I Shouldn't Be Alive" tonight, adding "outdoor enthusiast and survival expert" to my online dating profile.

By the nervous look on his face I thought my boyfriend had an engagement ring hidden in his hand but it was just a stranger's bra. Whew.

[interview with girl at dating agency] i get shy around pretty girls [girl smiles brushing hair from her face] "are you shy now" not really