Dating Jokes

Neat, your girlfriend is made out of the same stuff as your air guitar!

Netflix should double as a dating site and be like "here are 9 other singles in your area that watched LOST for the past 11 hours."

My boyfriend called my skirt a petticoat and now he's paying bills using a quill on parchment paper wearing his wooden false teeth.

Bad: I saw my girlfriend's name and number on a couple of men's bathroom walls.. Worse: It was in her handwriting...

George refuses to date a woman when he sees her on 2 different dating apps. G:"It's too desperate." J:"How'd you find out?" G:"I'm on both."

Girlfriend: Why is this broom broken? Did you draw a lightning bolt on the cat? Are you writing with a feather? Me: Muggles....

Having a crush is weird bc one minute you're a normal person and then out of nowhere you're like damn I wanna bake that boy a pie

Facebook asks what I'm thinking. Twitter asks what I'm doing. Google asks where I am. The internet has turned into my girlfriend.

Sorry babe, you knew you were dating a bad boy [shuffles Pokemon cards without the plastic covers]

*Drives by train wreck* Train wreck:"I have a boyfriend."

Dating is basically lying to women about how you like to travel.

Started a pillow fight with my boyfriend, but I forgot that's where I hide my Oreos.

I need your parent's phone number so I can call you & hang up when they answer. Cause if I'm gonna crush on you, I'm doing it old school.

My neighbour is pissed. My recycle bin has missing for months so I've been using hers. My boyfriend is missing too. Same situation.

Dating is like playing musical chairs. Somewhere between 25&30 the music stopped& everyone grabbed a husband. I must've been in the bathroom

(Disney Dating Tips) 1.Kidnap Dad 2.Coerce Daughter 3.Awkward music-filled dates 4.Angry mob danger 5.Stockholm Syndrome -Beauty & the Beast

Boyfriend is talking about taking me on a camping trip. Like, a real one where we'll sleep in a tent and pee outside. Is he mad at me?

"You got a friend in me" - your friend's girlfriend

My girlfriend started complaining about my lack of interest in her family. So I dated her sister..

I hate when I tell my girlfriend to call me when she's feeling sensible and then 2 years go by before I realize I'm probably single.

If I was a marriage counselor I would just make the couple look at a dating website for 20 minutes.

Me: Screw you, Tuesday! Tuesday: I have a boyfriend.

Be careful when online dating, if someone describes themselves as outdoorsy, they might just be homeless.

Role playing is fun, but I'm starting to wonder why my girlfriend will only let me dress up as my brother Randy.

Let's take a moment this Valentine's Day to think about how awkward it is for all the couples who started dating in January.