Charles Jokes

I used to struggle to keep food on the table until I Googled "how to get your pet turtle Charles to hold still because he's a table now."

"Yes, I'm still single and underemployed, but at least I'm not MARRYING CHARLES MANSON" --women at family holiday gatherings from now on

Never take ecstasy with a squirrel named... hey, squirrel dude, what's your name? Charles? Never take ecstasy with a squirrel named Charles.

In Soviet Russia... You are in charge of Charles. (h/t Wife)

It's weird to me that the shortened version of Charles is ""Chuck"". I mean, what the Farles is that about?

British Royalty! Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall bought new shoes for her wedding. During the big day they became increasingly tighter and tighter as the day went on. That night, when the festivities were finally over and they retired to their room, she flopped on the bed and said, ""Charles, darling, please remove my shoes, my feet are killing me!"" Her ever-obedient Prince of Wales attacked her right shoe with vigour, but it would not budge. ""Harder!"" yelled Camilla, ""Harder."" Charles yel…

Ray Charles... ... is driving and gets into a car accident... because he's blind. He wakes up in a hospital bed. The doctor comes in and says, ""Mr. Charles, I've got good news and bad news."" ""What's the bad news?"" ""Well, you've lost the use of your left side, due to the accident,"" says the doc. ""Well what's the good news, then?"" asks RC. ""You've got the right one, baby!"" -- ... I'm old.

I'll be ready in a minute Charles was getting annoyed and shouted upstairs to his wife,"" Hurry up or we'll be late."" ""Oh, be quiet,"" replied his wife. ""Haven't I been telling you for the last hour that I'll be ready in a minute?""

My friend Charles got the first chapter of the Hobbit inked on his right arm as a nerdy tattoo sleeve... He showed me it without explaining, while the skin was still healing; red, swollen, and looking a bit bruised. ""My God, Charles!"" I exclaimed. ""What happened to your arm?"" ""Well,"" he said, ""it's a long story.""

To Inherit a Fortune Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. Going to a singles' bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away. ""I'm jus an ordinary man,"" he said, walking up to her, ""but in just a week or two, my father will die and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."" The woman went home with Charles, and the next day she became his stepmother.

A sorrow filled tale of ill fated love betwixt two lovers that can never be. One day there was an Englishman and a Frenchwoman who were passionately in love. At night, their bedroom was The Song Of Solomon and their partings were a Shakespearean sonnet. One day the Englishman asked for his love's hand in marriage. However, this Frenchwoman held tradition as close to her heart as she did her lover, so one evening, after giving the Englishman Syphilis, the Frenchwoman and the Englishman stood befo…

TIL of Charles' Law: ""The best way to get the right answer on the Internet is not to ask a question, it's to post the wrong answer.""

Poor Kids One Day, Charles told his father he was going to the Wishing Well. So he flips a penny into a well, makes a wish, and walks home. ""What did you wish for?"", Asks the Father. ""Another Penny""

Have you ever seen the house Ray Charles lived in? Neither did he.

It's hard to find true love these days. Even Charles Manson's fiance wanted him for his body.

Royal Prince Charles goes to a party wearing a fox hat. It looked pretty weird but because he was royalty no one said anything. Finally towards the end of the party someone went up to Charles and said (in posh English accent) 'Charles, why on earth are you wearing that hat to a party like this?' And Charles replied (also in a posh english accent) 'Well, when i was talking to mother this morning she asked me what i was doing today, i said that i was going to a party in ishkampoloty, and she said …

A guy named Charles lived in a foreign country for many many years. When he came back, everyone started calling him ""Harles"". Why? Because long time, no c..

The State of Affairs in Australian Politics >Tony Abbott asks the Queen, ""Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?"" >>""Well,"" said the Queen, ""The most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."" >>Abbott then asked, ""But how do I know if the people around me are 'really' intelligent?"" >>The Queen thoughtfully took a sip of champagne (as you do) and then said: ""Oh, that's easy; you just ask …

50 SHADES OF CHARLES HUNNAM Its been reported that actor Charles Hunnam has dropped out of the movie,""50 Shades of Grey"" because of cold feet. You can't blame him, cold feet can lead to shrinkage

Charles proposed... A young girl came home from a date looking sad. She told her mother, ""Charles proposed to me a few minutes ago."" ""Then why are you so sad?"" her mother asked. ""Because he also mentioned he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't believe there's hell!"" Her mother replied, ""Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is.""

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is ""Charles"". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

What the teacher says and (what the teacher means) 1. Your son has a remarkable ability in gathering needed informationfrom his classmates. (He was caught cheating on a test). 2. Karen is an endless fund of energy and viability. (The hyperactive monster can't stay seated for five minutes). 3. Fantastic imagination! Unmatched in his capacity for blending fact with fiction. (He's definitely one of the biggest liars I have ever met). 4. Margie exhibits a casual, relaxed attitude to school, indicati…

Knock Knock Who's there ! Charles ! Charles who ? Charles your luck on the lottery !

So Prince Charles is hunting in the woods When he notices a rustling in the bushes. After shooting at it he hears a yelp and goes to see what he's shot. To his horror, he's accidentally killed one of the Queen's corgis. "Oh Mother will be so angry" he thinks to himself. It is at that moment that he stumbles and knocks over a lamp on the ground and a genie appears and says "You freed me from the lamp, so I shall grant you a wish!" Delighted by this amazing coincidence, Charles says "Yes could yo…

The Divorced Virgin A lawyer married a woman who had been divorced five times. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom, "How can that be if you've been married five times?" "Well, Jim was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be but didn't know how to close. Kevin was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Edward was an engineer; he und…