Blonde Jokes

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City... A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan…

Blonde Breakfast Dilemma A man watches as his blonde girlfriend comes downstairs to make breakfast. At first she attempts to lift the stove, struggles, and sighs. Next she tries lifting the microwave, again to no avail. Finally she lifts the toaster and smiles, makes toast and eats her breakfast. This goes on for a couple of days before her boyfriend finally asks what in the world is going on. The blonde replies, ""My new medication doesn't allow me to operate heavy machinery and the toaster is …

A slip of the tongue A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He notices immediately that the guy next to him has a black eye, too. He says to him, ""Hey, this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes; mind if I ask how you got yours?"" The other guy says, ""Well, it just happened, it was a tongue twister accident. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the most massive breasts in the world was there. So, instead of saying, …

Blonde Thinks A woman with green hair, a woman with red hair and a woman with blonde hair find mirror. A lady appears in the mirror and says, tell me something you think are true and you'll be rich. Tell me something that is not true and you die. The woman with green hair says: ""I think I'm pretty."" POOF! She's dead. The woman with red says: ""I think I have a soul."" POOF! She's dead. The woman with blonde hair says: ""I think..."" POOF! She's dead.

An English professor sees a gorgeous blond at a party . . . ""Pardon me,"" he says, ""but do you enjoy Kipling?"" ""Gee, I don't know,"" says the blond. ""I've never kippled before.""

A blond girl is on a plane to Dallas... ... she is sitting in first class when she has a ticket for coach. While she is reading a magazine, the flight attendant confronts her and says ""Excuse me, mam, you have a coach ticket, and you are sitting in first class, could you please move to coach?"" She puts down her magazine, looks at her in the eyes, and says ""I'm blond, I'm beautiful, I'm sitting in first class and I'm going to Dallas."" She continues reading her magazine. The flight attendent c…

A massive hailstorm ravages a town... ...leaving plenty of damage in its wake. A blonde takes her hailstone-dented car to a body shop to have the dents removed. The body shop owner is already swamped with work due to the storm, and decides to have some fun with her. He tells the blonde: ""You know, you don't have to pay me to have these removed. All you have to do is go home and blow into the tailpipe - all of your dents will pop out."" The blonde drives home, parks in her driveway, and blows in…

Why did blonde open a fishcan in a shop? Because on top of it was written : Open here.

Blonde, Brunette, and a Redhead So a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead committed some major crimes and were sentenced to death by the firing squad. The jailer come up to the redhead and takes her to where she needs to stand and asks her, ""Any last words?"" ""Nope,"" replies the redhead. The jailer says, ""ready, aim, ...."" The redhead yells out, ""TORNADO!!!"" They all look around but the redhead is gone. The jailer, now angry, goes and gets the brunette and asks her, ""any last words?"" ""Nop…

I heard this one from a friend... A blonde enters a parallel universe where the Aryan's are considered a minority. She walks into an appliance store, approaches the man behind the counter, and says ""I'd like that TV please."" The cashier replies ""Sorry, we don't serve blondes."" The next day, she woke up, filled her hair with charcoal, and went to the same store and asked the same man for the same TV. ""Sorry, we don't serve blondes here."" The next day, she got up, went to the hair salon, get…

A blond walks into the hospital with a shattered right hand... The doctor asks ""what happened?"" So she says, ""I was feeling really depressed so I took a gun, held it to my left ear and fired."" The doctor says ""how did that damage your hand?"" ""Well, before I fired I thought that it might be loud so I plugged the other ear.""

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde are riding in an elevator The brunette looks over to the side near the floor keys and says ""that looks like cum"". The redhead takes a closer look and sniffs it and says ""it smells like cum"". The blonde takes a closer look and licks it and says ""well it tastes like cum, but it's nobody from this buildings"".

A woman stands on a boardwalk... She notices a man below looking up her dress. ""You, sir, are no gentleman!"" ""And you, lady, are no blonde!""

A Blonde Jokes Two blondes (let's call them Tina and Julie) are talking. Tina: Did you know this New Year is on friday? Julie: OMG, I hope it's not on the 13th.

Two blondes are going on a nature walk, but only a few wrong turns and they completely lose their way. They try to find their way again, but they become even more lost. After a few hours, they begin to panic, but before long, they come across some tracks. They figure they can follow them to safety. After a few minutes of following them, the first blonde says, ""It's good we found these bear tracks."" The second one says, ""You mean moose tracks."" They stop and argue about it for five minutes. T…

God Damn Loch Ness Monster "" I met my cousin for the first time at a family reunion. Her dad, my uncle, was kick of a kick up as a kid, and it alienated him from the family so I didn't meet her until I was 14. She had dirty blonde hair, alabaster skin, and a cute little nose ring that would jiggle when she laughed. She was super quiet and always texting or listening to music. After diner she came up to my room and asked, ""Wanna smoke some weed?"" in a n excited tone. ""Sure"" I said. We both e…

A man is shopping when he notices a hot blond girl is staring at him After a while he asks her: ""I'm sorry, but do we know each other?"". She replies: ""Yeah, I think you are the father of one of my children."" The man knows very well he only cheated once and clearly remembers everything that happened so lowers his voice: ""Ah, then you must be the call-girl from my bachelor party that I was banging on the snooker table while your girlfriend was spanking my ass with the bullwhip."" The girl rep…

On the run A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead escaped from prison and ran into a nearby barn. They all three jumped into burlap sacks to hide when they heard police sirens in the distance. Soon two officers walked into the barn and immediately spotted the three sacks. One officer approached the first sack and kicked it, the redhead barked. ""oh this must be a dog"" said the officer. He kicked the second bag and the brunette meowed. ""oh, this must be a cat"" said the officer. He kicked the thir…

So, This Blind Guy Walks Into a Bar... And takes a seat in front of the bartender. ""Would you like to here a great blonde joke?"" He asks. The bartender leans in close and says, ""Well, the priest and rabbi to your right are blonde. The two cheerleaders to your left are blonde and, to top it all off, I'M blonde. You still want to tell that joke buddy?"" The blind guy takes a moment to think about it and says ""Nah. I'd rather not have to explain it five times.""

Three girls are trying to escape the police. A blonde, a brunette and a redhead when they finally think they're in the clear. Relieved, they stop at the shops. The brunette goes to the pet store and buys a cat, and the redhead buys a dog, while the blonde goes to the supermarket next door and buys a sack of potatoes. They return to their car, and the police have resumed chase. They pull over and the brunette says, ''I know! If we make the noise of the animal we bought they might not catch us!'' …

There were two sisters... Once upon a time, in the wild, wild West there were two sisters, Jill and Susie. A relative of theirs dies and leaves the two sisters a ranch. The ranch was run down and they had little else to their name besides the ranch so they thought they'd invest what they had left into a stud bull to mate with their cows. They found an ad in the paper for a healthy bull for sale for $500 and decided Jill would go down and see if the bull would be suitable and Susie would stay bac…

Two blondes were sipping their Starbucks... Two blondes were sipping their Starbucks when a truck went by loaded with rolls of sod. ""I'm going to do that when I win the lottery,"" announced Blonde #1. ""Do what?"" asked Blonde #2. ""Send my lawn out to be mowed!"" [Sod](http://stoneproscanada.ca/images/sod%20bundle.jpg) Edit: For people who don't know what sod is.

Blonde Paint Job Warning:Long A blonde,wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself as a handyman type and started canvasing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. ""Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"" The blonde said, ""How about 50 dollars?"" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the co…

A lawyer and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and tries to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, that the game is a lot of fun. ""I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5; you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."" This catches the blonde's attention, and- to keep him quiet- …

So there is a rookie cop out on his first day on patrol... He is partnered with a veteran cop to show him the ropes. They pull over a blond for speeding. The veteran cop says ""I want you to go up to the window and undo your fly."" ""Why would I do that?!"" exclaims the rookie. ""Just trust me, do it."" assures the veteran. So the rookie cop walks up to the blonds car window, and as she rolls it down he undoes his zipper. She looks up at him with a shocked face and says ""OH NO! Not another brea…