Bill Gates Jokes

In light of the DNC event and my own recent experience with the forced install of windows 10.. What do the Clinton's have in common with Bill Gates? They both no longer need your consent.

Bill Gates goes to purgatory. St. Peter says, ""Now Bill, you have done some good things, and you have done some bad things. Now I am going to let you decide where you want to go"". First, St. Peter shows Bill an image of Hell with beautiful women running on beaches. Then, St Peter shows Bill an image of Heaven with robed angels playing harps on clouds. Bill chooses Hell. About a week later, St. Peter checks in on Bill in Hell and finds him being whipped by demons. Bill says to St. Peter, ""What…

How politics works I told my son, ""You will marry the girl I choose."" He said, ""NO!"" I told him, ""She is Bill Gates' daughter."" He said, ""OK."" I called Bill Gates and said, ""I want your daughter to marry my son."" Bill Gates said, ""NO."" I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank."" Bill Gates said, ""OK."" I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO. He said, ""NO."" I told him, ""My son is Bill Gates' son-in-law."" He said, ""OK."" And this is ho…

Where did Steve Jobs and Bill Gates go to get a drink? The Space Bar

Why couldn't Bill Gates get any girls? His hardware was Microsoft

Bill Gates went into an Apple store... Farted, and stank up the whole place. But it's their fault for not having Windows.

Gabe Newell and Bill Gates should get together. Not only would there be some epic games, they could comfort each other's inability to count.

Bill Gates in a car A software engineer, a hardware designer and Bill Gates are driving in car on the freeway. Suddenly the car breaks down, the engines stops. The software engineer says: ""I think that car ran out if gas. Let's walk to the nearest gas station and get some gas, put it in the car and then it will start again."" The hardware designer says: ""I think the muffler broke off, let's fix it and then we can go on. "" Bill Gates says: ""I'm not sure what the problem is but let's close all…

Bill Gates is walking at his private beach... (sorry for my bad english) Bill Gates is walking at his private beach when suddenly an old bottle is washed to the beach. He takes an open it and a genie appears. The genie says: 'You got one wish. Whatever it is i will fulfill it.' Gates is thinking but then he responds: 'Here is a map of every war who is going on in the world. I want peace everywhere.' 'I'm sorry but i can't do that.' the genie replies: 'There are so many wars and I am just a simpl…

What is the definition of globalization? Princess Diana's death. Why? Because An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles; treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines. this is sent to you by an American, using Bill Gates' technology, and you're probably reading this on your computer, that uses Ta…

What are Bill Gates latest projects? Needle upscaling and camel miniaturization.

Steve & Bill in Heaven Bill Gates: ""So, how's heaven, Steve?"" Steve Jobs: ""Great ! It just doesn't have any walls or fences."" Bill Gates: ""So...?"" Steve Jobs: ""So, we don't need any Windows and Gates. I'm sorry, Bill, I didn't mean to offend you."" Bill Gates: ""It's ok Steve, but I heard a rumor."" Steve Jobs: ""Oh, what rumor?"" Bill Gates: ""That nobody is allowed to touch Apples there, and there are no jobs in heaven."" Steve Jobs : ""Oh no, definitely there are, but only no-pay j…

This is BUSINESS Dad: I want to Mary a girl of my choice. Son: No! Dad: The girl is Bill Gates' daughter. ...Son: Then okay. Dad goes to Bill Gates. ...Dad: I want your daughter to marry my son. Bill Gates: No! Dad: My son is the CEO of World Bank. Bill Gates: Then Okay. Dad goes to the President of the Word Bank. Dad: Appoint my son as CEO. President: No! Dad: He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates. President: Then OK. This is BUSINESS

""I know everybody!"" Bob and Jeff are talking amongst themselves, when Bob says ""I know every single person in the world."" Jeff says ""That's not possible! There's no way you can know everybody in the world."" ""Okay,"" Bob replies with a smug look, ""I'll prove it. Let's go see my friend Bill Gates."" With that, they hop in a plane and fly to Medina, Washington and drive to Bill Gates' house. When they arrive at the front gate, a little screen activates and Bill's face shows up on the screen…

Mr. Zakaria in Microsoft session BillGates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft #Europe. 5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate was Mr. Zakaria Bill Gates: Thank you for coming. Those who do not know JAVA may leave. 2000 people leave the room. Mr. Zakaria says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try' Bill Gates: Candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people may leave. 2000 p…

I was walking over to Bill Gates' house the other day for brunch... ...when I tripped and fell into the door of the metal fence right in front of his home! The door was completely destroyed. The scandal got me in some pretty hot water and is now famously known as Bill gates' gate-gate

How bill Gates counts 1 2 3 95 98 XP Vista 7 8 10 I bet he failed math

Please help little Billy Evans. My name is Billy Evans. I am a very sick little boy. My mother is typing this for me, because I can't. She is crying. The reason she is so sad is because I'm so sick. I was born without a body. It doesn't hurt, except when I try to breathe. The doctors gave me an artificial body. It is a burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors said that was the best they could do on account of us having no money or insurance. I would like to have a body transplant, but we need …

What happens when Bill Gates gets mad? He gets philanthro-pissed

Why there isnt Windows 9? Because 9 looks like dead fat man (Bill Gates).

Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, a priest, and a hippie are on a plane together when suddenly it starts going down. There are only four parachutes but the pilot takes one and jumps out. Michael Jordan says ""I'm the greatest basketball player ever, I should get to live."" He grabs one and jumps out. Bill Gates says, ""I'm the smartest man in the world, I should live."" He grabs a pack and jumps out. The priest turns to the hippie and says, ""Son, I've lived my life. You take the last parachute and I'…

Bill gates gets duped Bill Gates goes to purgatory. St. Peter says, ""Now Bill, you have done some good things, and you have done some bad things. Now I am going to let you decide where you want to go"". First, St. Peter shows Bill an image of Hell with beautiful women running on beaches. Then, St Peter shows Bill an image of Heaven with robed angels playing harps on clouds. Bill chooses Hell. About a week later, St. Peter checks in on Bill in Hell and finds him being whipped by demons. Bill say…

Four guys on a plane with three parachutes break the fourth wall. Four guys were on an airplane when it started to crash. Then they discovered there were only three parachutes. The four guys were Bill Gates, Bill Nye, Neil Degrasse Tyson, and Ted Cruz. They argued over who got to use the three parachutes. Since the scientists and geeks knew this joke usually ends with the smartest guy in the world jumping out with an empty backpack, they decided to take Tyson's suggestion and throw Cruz out the …

BILL GATES IN HELL Bill Gates goes to purgatory. St. Peter says, ""Now Bill, you have done some good things, and you have done some bad things. Now I am going to let you decide where you want to go"". First, St. Peter shows Bill an image of Hell with beautiful women running on beaches. Then, St Peter shows Bill an image of Heaven with robed angels playing harps on clouds. Bill chooses Hell. About a week later, St. Peter checks in on Bill in Hell and finds him being whipped by demons. Bill says t…

BILL GATES AND GENERAL MOTORS Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors. ""If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades,"" boasts Gates, ""you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour. Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50."" ""Sure,"" says …