Ukraine Jokes

You know what is going on in Ukraine? Donetsk, don't tell.

Putin is really messing with Obama over this Ukraine thing. The last time a Russian beat a black guy this bad Apollo Creed died.

There is a new kind of bread in the Ukraine that is the most popular. I don't know what it is called but it is Putin free.

WW3 due to Ukraine The scariest thing about this World War Three starting is that we are on the Germans' side. They've never won a World War yet.

Russian referendum. Russia initiates a referendum in Crimea about returning Crimea back to Russia. Ukraine initiates a referendum about returning Kaliningrad to Germany, Sakhalin and the Kuril Islands to Japan, Kazan - to Tatar, Karelia - to Finland, Siberia to Yakuts, and everything situated east from Ural mountains - to ingenious people.

Ukrainian dog in Russia. The dog runs from Ukraine to Russia across the boarder. People asks: ""Why are you running?"" The dog replies: ""Life in Ukraine is hard, I decided to go live in Russia."" A week later, the dog, with the eyes bulging, runs back to Ukraine. ""Why are you coming back?"" ""They didn't allow me even to bark there!""

The Irish have announced they've sent a peace keeping force to Ukraine. They've managed to secure the city of Chernobyl without any resistance!

So apparently Justin Timberlake is going to write a song for all the people that have been devastated by the crisis in Ukraine. It's going to be called 'Crimea River'.

Afraid to speak Russian in Ukraine. "Yefim, you know, I try to speak Russian as little as possible." "Why? What happened? Are you afraid that Ukrainians will beat you up?" "No, I am scared that Russians will come to save me."

With the situation in Ukraine... Putin is giving a speech to his people - My people, due Wests sanctions we'll need to tighten our belts and work harder! Voice from the crowd: - We will work two shifts! - Thank you, you must be real patriot of our country! And we'll have to give up western goods and production! - We will work three shifts! - Such patriotism for country! By the way what's your occupation? - I work at morgue...

Moscow, 2024 Two old men meet in Gorki Park. "Have you heard about the war in Ukraine? We're fighting NATO!" "Yes I heard! How is it going?" "Our army lost 300,000 men, and billions worth of material, we lost some land around Kursk, and there are explosions caused drones in the motherland." "And NATO?" "NATO hasn't sent their troops yet."

Why are the Russian forces in Ukraine using the symbol "Z"? Because the other half of the swastika fell off due to poor Russian maintenance.

My friend has just seen a documentary about Chernobyl. He actually grew up in Ukraine in the 1980s... And was able to count at least 8 historical inaccuracies on one hand

what is the national bird of Ukraine? the drone

In less than 3 years, Russia went from the second strongest army in the world ... to the second strongest in Ukraine to the 3rd strongest IN Russia.

Russian soldier sent out to Ukraine sends a letter back home "My dear I have good news and bad news for you Good news is that after so many years of not seeing you, I will finally be in Kursk soon! Bad news is that so will be the Ukrainian army"

Putin comes to a barber for a haircut. He sits down, the barber takes his scissors and gets to work. Right before he starts, he asks "How are matters in Ukraine, Mr. President?" Then, a minute later "Is the army fighting well?" Then "How are the Navy operations?" A few more questions like that... at last, Putin snaps: **Putin**: Listen, what's with all the Ukraine questions?! Does the war really interest you so much?! **Barber**: No, not really. It's just so much easier to cut your hair while…

My mate just watched the Chernobyl documentary and, having grown up in Ukraine in the 1980s, he was pretty mad. And I get it, too. He counted at least eight historical inaccuracies on one hand.

One day an old Ukrainian man found an antique lamp He starts it to polish it off and 'Poof', a genie appears in a cloud of smoke. "Hoho, Mortal!" says the genie, stretching and yawning, "For releasing me I will grant you three wishes." The old man thinks for a moment, and says, "I want Genghis Khan resurrected. I want him to re-unite his mongol hordes, march to Ukraine's border, and then decide he doesn't want the place and march back home." "No sooner said than done!" thunders …

A little joke from my family's dinner table. My family was talking a few weeks ago, and somehow I brought up the fact that every state in New England has a town or city in it called "Warren". I said that there's a Warren, Vermont, a Warren, Maine, a Warren, Rhode Island. And my brother chimed in "There's also a Warren Ukraine!" I shook my head back and forth, then quietly admitted that I would have been so proud if I came up with that myself

Why are there no Wal-Marts in Ukraine? Because they're all Targets.

Russia is the second most powerful military nation ... in Ukraine. (Just thought about it, sorry if it's not OC)

It’s great that Turkey is providing heavy armoured vehicles to Ukraine. Everyone loves tanks giving turkey.

Putin is working in his office planning the Ukraine war, when the ghost of Stalin suddenly appears. Putin takes the opportunity to seek advice: “Stalin, what happened? why are things not working out for us?” Stalin gives him the advice: “Send 5 million Russians to their deaths at war, and paint the Kremlin blue.” “Why blue?” asks Vladimir Putin. “I knew you wouldn’t have a problem with the first part,” chuckles Stalin.

Putin's inner circle is trying to hide the news that the war isn't going well in parts of Ukraine from him... They have a very strict Donetsk-don't-tell policy.