Calling a friend in Ukraine “Hi, what is going on ?:” “Well, Russia is in war with NATO here.” “And how does it look like ?” “Russia lost a missile cruiser, over 600 tanks, 25000 soldiers.” “And NATO ?” “Did not arrive yet.”

Stalin is dead and things have begun to lighten up a bit relatively speaking An old couple live in an apartment in Moscow and she sends him down to buy some meat for supper. After queueing for the obligatory three hours he gets to the counter and the woman says 'No more meat, meat finished'. He cracks and starts raving 'I fought in the Revolution, I fought for Lenin in the First World War and for Stalin in the Second World War and we are still in this shit?' One of the leather-jacketed brigade t…

A man was walking down a street in Moscow at night A soviet soldier called out for the man to halt but the man started running, so the soldier shot him. The other soldier on duty asks the former, ""Why'd you do that?"" ""Why it's curfew,"" the soldier said. ""Well it's not curfew yet!"" his partner said. ""I know- he's a friend of mine. I know where he lives and he couldn't have made it in time.""

A Soviet composer is looking at his notes in Moscow... ... and a soldier oversees the symbols and assumes he's a spy communicating in a form of code. The composer is arrested and brought to the Gulag where he pleads ""Please, it's just Tchaikovsky's violin concerto!"". Later that day he is brought to an interrogation room and sits down, a Soviet officer walks in and smugly announces ""Well, you better speak up now, we have caught your friend Tchaikovsky and he is telling us everything!""