Texas Jokes

How many Texas cops does it take to save children from an active shooter? Still under investigation. ​ ​ ​ Edit: For those who assume I think any part of this situation is funny... [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black\_comedy](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_comedy). Also who gave me a Wholesome award? That's seriously messed up. Edit 2: For those claiming it's "too soon"... I respectfully disagree, I think this is the perfect time. The pain won't ever go away …

A man crosses the Mexican border seeking better living conditions for his family. Then his constituency calls for him to resign as a senator from Texas.

Everyone in Texas thinks Texas is great... But on a scale from awful to great Texas is just below OK.

A guy from Oklahoma and a guy from Texas are in the restroom of a road house having a piss. The guy from Oklahoma finishes up first

Two men from Texas are having a conversation... The first man asks the second man ""Imagine being in the same room with all of the people you've slept with."" The second man responds with ""I don't have to imagine

Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100... The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.

Two Ranchers make a deal. One rancher has the largest bull in Texas and the second rancher has the best milking cow in the county. They decide to mate the two and split the offspring between them.

A 106-year-old cowboy in Texas recently passed away. He was asked on his last birthday earlier this year his secret to longevity.

Only one man is happy about what's going on in Texas. George Strait.

I business man decides to open a bar in small town in Texas... It was quiet little town where lot of people were god fearing and church going folk.

Marriage ceremonies are a lot shorter in Texas Because the wife doesn't have to change her surname.

One day a man from Minnesota decided to move down to Texas to follow his dream of becoming a train conductor.

Texas refuses to remove its statues. Hurricane volunteers to help.

Did I ever tell you about my Texas vacation home? [removed]

House-hunting in Texas is overwhelming... The market is flooded.

Juggling A Texas State trooper pulled a car over on I-35 about 2 miles south of Waco Texas. When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding

Everything is bigger in Texas A guy in Canada hears the saying' ""Everything is bigger in Texas"" and decides to drive down there and find out if it's true. He takes the first exit he finds after crossing the border and goes inside the nearest fast food restaurant. He orders a small French fries and small cola. The cashier hands him a 64 oz. bladder buster full of cola and an entire tray piled high with French fries. The Canadian says

2 Texas Guys 1 Choking Woman Two men from Texas were sitting at a bar when a young lady nearby began to choke on a hamburger. She gasped and gagged.

Do you have a pen? I was in the Texas Rose last night

Why is Texas a lone star state? ""Because it's terrible."

3 Texan surgeons are having a conversation on a golf course The first one says: ""I'm the best surgeon in Texas! A concert pianist has lost 7 fingers in an accident and I managed to sew them to his hand again. Tomorrow he will be playing for the Queen of England in an private audience!"

Everything's bigger in Texas A Texan walks into a bar and orders a drink. The barman gives him a drink. The Texan looks at the drink and commenting on how small it is

Why wasn't jesus born in texas? They couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin

Texas Patrol... Two red necks are speeding through Texas. They fly by a Texas patrol officer who hits the cherries and pulls them over.

Texas hunting rules A Californian and an Texan were deer hunting in the brush of south Texas when an illegal alien runs across a clearing. The Texan takes careful aim