Royce Jokes

So this wealthy lawyer parks his Rolls-Royce on a busy street and as he opens his door, a truck come screaming by and tears off the car door. The guy jumps out and yells, "My car! My beautiful car!" and a man standing nearby says, "you pig, you're so worried about your expensive car that you didn't even notice that your arm's missing too!" Hearing that, the lawyer yells, "Oh God, my Rolex!"

An Aussie truck driver walks into an outback cafe with a full grown emu. The waitress asks them for their orders. The truckie says, ‘A hamburger, chips and a beer please,’ and turns to his pal. ‘I’ll have the same,’ says the emu. A short time later the waitress returns with the order. ‘That’ll be $9.40 please.’ He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment. The next day they return and the truckie orders a hamburger, chips and a beer, and the emu says, ‘I’ll have the sa…

Genius! Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000. The loan officer was quite taken a back, and requested collateral. "Well, then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce", the man said. The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safekeeping, and gave him $5,000. Two weeks later, the man walked through the bank's doors, and asked to settle up his loan and g…

A Blonde Woman Asks For A $5000 Loan A blonde woman walks into a bank in NYC before going on vacation and asks for a $5,000 loan. The banker asks, "Okay, miss, is there anything you would like to use as collateral?" The woman says, "Yes, of course. I'll use my Rolls Royce." The banker, stunned, asks, "A $250,000 Rolls Royce? Really?" The woman is completely positive. She hands over the keys, as the bankers and loan officers laugh at her. They check her credentials, make sure she is the title ow…

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich bird behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?' 'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment. The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries a…

A Blonde Asks For A Loan A blonde woman walks into a bank in NYC before going on vacation and asks for a $5,000 loan. The banker asks, "Okay, miss, is there anything you would like to use as collateral?" The woman says, "Yes, of course. I'll use my Rolls Royce." The banker, stunned, asks, "A $250,000 Rolls Royce? Really?" The woman is completely positive. She hands over the keys, as the bankers and loan officers laugh at her. They check her credentials, make sure she is the title owner. Eve…

A Man & an Ostrich A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich bird behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?' 'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment. The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man say…

A Man Goes to the Bank A man goes to the nearby city in his Rolls-Royce for some business he had to attend. When he arrives, he goes to the bank, parks his car an walks into the bank. He says to the teller, "I immediately need a loan of $5000." The teller replies,"I'm sorry sir, but we cannot give you the money like that, you will need to provide something for us to keep so we ensure that we can give you the money and that we get it back." The man then points to his Rolls-Royce outside and sa…

I asked my sister how her blind date went "Oh it was terrible" she said, "He showed up in a 1948 Rolls-Royce." "So what's so bad about *that*?" I asked. Apparently he was the original owner.

A man goes into a restaurant with an ostrich They sit down and order: 'I'd like a hamburger, fries and a Coke,' says the man, then turns towards the ostrich. 'And you?' 'The same', says the ostrich. A few minutes later, the waitress brings the food and the bill. '$6.40,' she says. The man takes out the exact amount from his pocket without even counting the money and hands it to the waitress. The next day, the man and the ostrich come again, ask for the same food and the man pays with the …

A blonde walks into a bank A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's presid…

An Englishman and a Dutchman are sitting in a pub. The Dutchman says to the Englishman, “Every time I see you in here you walk out with a different girl. What’s your secret?” The Englishman replies, “It’s really easy. As soon as I walk into the pub, I casually toss my Rolls Royce keys onto the bar, and the gals practically throw themselves at me.” The Dutchman says “Wow, you’ve got a Rolls Royce?” The Englishman replies, “No, I’m just as poor as you. I bought this Rolls Royce key fob on Amaz…

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?''I'll have the same,' says the ostrich.A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke.'Th…

A guy driving a Kia pulls up to a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce The Kia driver rolls down his window and shouts to the Rolls-Royce driver: "Hey, you have a really nice car! Just curiously, does it have Wi-Fi? Because my Kia has Wi-Fi!" The other driver rolls down his window and responds, "Yes, my Rolls-Royce has Wi-Fi." Kia driver: "Cool! Does your Rolls have a fridge too? Because my Kia has a fridge in the back seat!" Rolls driver *(slightly annoyed)*: "Yes, there's a fridge in here too."…

Kia driver A guy driving a Kia pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce... The driver of the Kia rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, "Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car. You got Wi-Fi in your Rolls? I’ve got Wi-Fi in my Kia!" The driver of the Rolls looks over and says simply, "Yes I have Wi-Fi." The driver of the Kia says, "Cool! Hey, you got a fridge in there too? I’ve got a fridge in the back seat of my Kia!" The driver of the Rolls, looki…

Parking A lady walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the lady hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers…

Mr Singh walks into a bank London and asks for the loan officer. He says he's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow £5000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so Mr Singh hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce, which costs quarter of a million pounds. “The car is parked on the street in front of the bank,” says Mr Singh, “and I have all the necessary papers.” The bank officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan…

A guy driving a Kia. A guy driving a Kia pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce... The driver of the Kia rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, "Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car. You got Wi-Fi in your Rolls? I’ve got Wi-Fi in my Kia!" The driver of the Rolls looks over and says simply, "Yes I have Wi-Fi." The driver of the Kia says, "Cool! Hey, you got a fridge in there too? I’ve got a fridge in the back seat of my Kia!" The driver of the Rolls, looking annoyed, s…

a guy walks into a restaurant with an ostrich... A guy walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their orders. The guy says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $18.40 please." The man reaches into his pocket and, without looking, pulls out the exact change for payment. The next day, the guy and the ostric…

How was your blind date?" a college student asked her roommate. Terrible!" the roommate answered. "He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce." "Wow! That's a very expensive car. What's so bad about that? "He was the original owner!"

A businessman walked into a bank in San Francisco and asked for the loan officer... He told the officer that he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000. The bank officer explained that the bank needed some kind of security for such a loan. So the businessman handed over the keys to a Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything Checked out, and the bank agreed to accept the car as collateral for the loan. A bank employee drove the Rolls into…

A man walks into a restaurant with an emu by his side. The waitress asks for their orders. The man says: “A burger, chips and a coke, please.” He then turns to the emu and nods. “I’ll have the same,” says the emu. A short time later the waitress returns with the order and says: “That will be £14.40 please.” The man reaches into his pocket and, without looking, pulls out the exact change for payment. The next day, the man and the emu go to the restaurant again and the man says: “A burger, chi…

A Scouser walks into the local benefits office, walks up to the counter to collect his fortnightly giro and say's to the woman. "You know something? I just hate being on the dole, I'd really rather have a job". The benefits worker behind the counter tells him. "Your timing is excellent. We have just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man. He wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes or his Rolls Royce. He'll su…

Before going to Europe on business a man drove his Rolls Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5

Nice Car! A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. The driver of the Yugo rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls