If Minnie Driver married Bradley Cooper her name would be oh god I can't even finish this one#Minnie Driver#Bradley Cooper#Marriage#Driving+1 more0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
You legally aren't married until someone says, "haha but seriously" in their wedding speech.#Marriage#One-Liner0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
IMPROV PERFORMER: I need a suggestion. PERSON (from the back) BE MORE LIKE YOUR BROTHER! IP: Okay, someone that's not my wife.#Marriage0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
ok, now say it again so my wife hears "you're too big for this ride, sir"#Marriage#One-Liner0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
WIFE: Can you send these party invites out? ME: Sure *throws them out window* WIFE: Did you- ME: If they're meant to come, they'll come.#Marriage0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
The next man who calls me deluded is going to regret it when he finds me sitting in his house wearing a wedding dress.#Marriage#One-Liner0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
If you wear a onesie to a wedding, no one will ever invite you to another one.#Marriage#One-Liner0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
Little do you know that in my head I've already married you, divorced you, and hidden your body.#Marriage#One-Liner0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
LIES! STOP THE LIES! -My reply to my husband whenever he tells me he's gonna "repair that".#Marriage#One-Liner0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
Wife: Wow, I'm tired Me: Go relax, give me the recipe and I'll make dinner [Five minutes later] Me: Honey, I think we're out of..."oven"?#Marriage#Food0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
Giving my wife a bikini wax for the first time. Should I wake her up or just let it be a surprise?#Marriage#One-Liner0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
ME: [sitting on iphone] europe. europe. EUROPE. europe [5 hrs later] ME: ok fine maybe ur right WIFE: what did you think airplane mode meant#Europe#Marriage#Airplane0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
*on date* Me [don't let her know you're married] I have a wif..i hotspot on my phone. Her: oh that's cool. Me: yeah my wife got it for me.#Marriage#Technology0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
Flirting is a way of life, the moment you stop is when you're dead ... then your spouse cleans the gun and places it in your hand.#Marriage#Dark Humor0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
You Shook Me All Night Long is a great song that also describes what I do to my husband when he's snoring.#Marriage#One-Liner0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
"I'm not sure-" wife: honey he's a zookeeper if he says these are koalas I trust him-aww look at them! *the raccoons hiss from the dumpster*#Marriage0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
I lit candles & put a trail of rose petals all over the house in confusing patterns so my husband can't find me drinking in the closet.#Marriage0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
Me: you want to end the date night with some bubbly? Wife: sure *I pour vinegar and baking soda into the volcano* Wife: this is so romantic#Volcano Wife#Marriage0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
I know I did a good job dressing my 3 year old when my wife doesn't have to tell everyone she sees that I dressed her.#Marriage#One-Liner0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
Me: It stands for Greatest Of All Time Jeweller: I just don't think your wife will want "THE GOAT IS MINE" inscribed on her wedding ring#Goat#Animals#Marriage0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
I don't like how when women get married they get to keep their first name.#Marriage#One-Liner0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
Wife leaves keys on counter with a helpful note saying "keys" in case I thought they were llamas.#Marriage#One-Liner0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
*Caterpillar marriage therapy* Wife: he's not the man I married Husband flying around room: I'm the same on the inside Karen!!!#Marriage0🔗 ShareWhatsApp