Kevin Jokes

Deer Camp Seven guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Kevin's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Kevin's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do? Two days later the six get to the camping site only to find Kevin sitting there with his gear set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the stove. "Dang man, how long you been here, and how did you talk Melissa into letting you go?" "Well, I…

A clownfish, a crab, and a shark met in the ocean. The clownfish said "My name is Markus, but humans usualy call me Nemo". The crab said "My name is Philip, but humans usualy call me mister Krabs". The shark said "My name is Kevin, but humans always call me AAAAAAAH!".

My friend is a little person... He's epileptic and delivers pizzas for a living. His name is Kevin, but I like to call him Little Seizures.

Statistics show that 1 in 5 men in a friend group are actually gay… I hope it’s Kevin, he’s cute

Grandfather of the year A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved grandson. He has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits, and all sorts of things. The grandfather is saying in a controlled voice: \- "Easy, William, we won't be long". Another outburst and she hears the grandfather calmly say, \- "It's okay William. Just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there”. At the checkout the little horror is throwing items …

My buddy asked me how I got ahold of Kevin Bacon's phone number Told him I know a guy ^(who knows a guy) ^^who ^^knows ^^a ^^guy ^^^who ^^^knows ^^^a ^^^guy

Be first A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, "Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait." Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus."

Kevin Bacon once had a friend named Johnny Eggs They were known as Kevin and Johnny.

They're re-making Gone in 60 Seconds It's a bio-pic about Kevin Spacey's reputation.

We have a strange custom in our office. We have a strange custom in our office. The food has names there. Yesterday for example I got me a sandwich out of the fridge and its name was ""Kevin""

Little Kevin A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class:

Strange trend at my office... People are naming food in the break room refrigerator. Today I ate a sandwich named ""Kevin"".

The teacher asks her class for some examples of medicines tgey use at home Little Kevin promptly raises his hands and says

Kevin fills a beaker of water and places it on the machine... ""One liter of water."" it read.

Teacher ask Kevin for the meaning of... (NSFW) Teacher ask Kevin for the meaning of: The Government

A young Julius Caesar and his friend were walking along... A young Julius Caesar and his friend Kevin were walking a Roman road. Caesar says ""I'm really thinking about going all out this year and having a bust made of myself"" to which Kevin

Shingles Kevin walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Kevin said: ""Shingles."" So she wrote down his name

Hey, which is the best/funniest stand up comedy you've ever listened to? I was watching Dave Chappelle's For What It's Worth yesterday and honestly I'm not a stand up comedy guy but this shit was real bruh! For the part I watched it was funny as hell. This is probably the fourth I've watched following Kevin Hart's main stand ups. Do you have any that is way better than this for us redditers? P.S - I hope this is the right subreddit if not :p

What is the difference between a dog and a cat? Kevin still doesn't know.

What's Kevin Durant's go-to garment? A choker.

Kevin took his golf very seriously – so much so that it was jeopardizing his marriage to Samantha because he was off playing golf seven days a week. In an attempt to save their crumbling marriage, she suggested that she should go to the course with him and take some lessons. "Okay," he said reluctantly, "but remember golf is a serious game. I don't want you ruining the one perfect thing in my life." So they went to the course and Samantha signed up to take a course of lessons with the local pro.…

“Kevin, in which battle was Admiral Nelson killed?” “His last one, Sir!”

Teacher: “Which is your native place?” Kevin: “Albuquerque Mam.” Teacher: “Can you spell it?” Kevin: “Actually my native place is Chicago!”

Chris had to be admitted to hospital and was surprised to see Kevin on the bed next to him. Kevin explained what happened to him. He had gone to a remote village to work. He finished late and missed the last bus. He couldn’t find any hotel. So he approached a nearby house and asked the Owner whether he can stay there for the night. The Owner replied, “I have 2 grown up daughters. Sorry, I can’t allow you to stay.” He approached the next house and asked whether he can stay there for the night. Th…

Kevin sees lot of guys running on the highway. Asks a bystander as to who’re the guys? The bystander : A Marathon race is going on. Kevin : What do they get from that? Bystander : The winner will get a prize Kevin : Then why are the others running?