Google Jokes

Dear Microsoft, If you had called it "Bang" instead of "Bing," you'd have destroyed Google. Example: I banged Sofia Vergara last night.

Dear Google Maps, Don't insult me by telling me to head "southwest". If I knew where southwest was, I wouldn't be using you. Kthnxbye

I've never been skydiving, but I've zoomed in on Google Earth really really fast.

Hopefully "researching tweets" will hold up in a court of law when the prosecution presents my google search history as evidence.

Mistakenly used yahoo for searching instead of google. It's like someone used google two days ago & is trying to remember the results.

Caught my son running a Google search for "adult entertainment". I was mortified. We are strictly a Bing family.

"You're sure you understand stock trading?" ME: Yep "Then why (holds up card) did you trade our Google shares for a Charizard?"

[reeling in big fish and turns to friend] you got the net? "yes" ok, google how to get this thing in the boat

Google needs a "you really don't want to know" search answer.

My greatest fear is sitting in front of thousands of people while my Google search history is being read aloud.

Why do I have to steal the Death Star plans? Nothing this big stays secret. Just Google them. There's probably a torrent somewhere.

If you type in "google" in google search, it shows you pictures of your grandkids

The only ghosts I'm afraid of are my google searches coming back to haunt me.

Google search history: -double chin reduction exercises -double chin plastic surgery cost -double fudge brownie recipe

Google Glass is the Segway of eyes.

"do you know the best way to get rid of a wasp nest?" no, try using your phone [throws phone and hits wasp nest] *running* I meant google it

Google Buzz is Facebook's estranged drug-addicted step sister who eloped with a hideously ugly rich guy named Gmail.

Next time someone asks me a question I'm going to pull a Google & tell them my response time: "I'd like the salad. (2.5 seconds!)"

Google+ is starting to sound like a half-way house for people that aren't phony enough for Facebook but aren't edgy enough for Twitter.

I'd definitely watch a show with Dr. Phil going door to door reading people's Google search history out-loud with the most judgmental stare.

Started as a twitter crush, moved on to twitter boyfriend, now he's my twitter husband. Honeymooning on Google+ so we can be alone.

ME: seen the loch ness monster? HER: it's not real M: *unzips pants* wanna bet? H: *rolls eyes* sure M: k i'll pee and then we'll google it

I hope rapidly clicking this arrow on Google Street View counts as jogging.

I'm so high, I just tried to Google "My favorite songs".

Google Glass, for everyone who's ever thought, "I like that browser so much, I want it on MY FACE"