First Child Jokes

Successful breeding A man and a young woman met in a bar and started to talk. It turned out that both were celebrating- the man because he had achieved a successful breeding of a rare blue-eyed female pheasant for the first time in captivity, and the lady because she and her husband had finally had their first child after a long period of trying. “So how did you finally achieve the successful breeding?,” she asked. “Well,” he explained, “it was a matter of continually changing mates in order …

Baby Naming A couple had just had their first child, a boy. The father was Irish and Indian, the wife Chinese and Italian. Each wanted their son’s name to reflect his heritage. After much back-and-forth they finally decided on the name: Ravi O’Lee

Southern Charm Two informally dressed ladies happened to start up a conversation during an endless wait in the LAX airport. The first lady was an arrogant California woman married to a wealthy man. The second was a well mannered elderly woman from the South. When the conversation centered on whether they had any children, the California woman started by saying, "When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me." The lady from the South commented, "Well, isn't that pr…

A man goes before Saint Peter... Saint Peter asks 'Where were you born?' The man thinks for a moment and says 'Austria-Hungary, Lemberg.' 'Where did you go to school?' 'Poland, Lwow.' 'Where were you married?' 'The Ukrainian S.S.R., Lviv.' Surprised, Saint Peter asks 'Where was your first child born?' 'In the German Reich.' 'And where did you die?' 'At home in Lvov, in the Soviet Union.' Astonished, Saint Peter shouts 'My, you moved around a lot!' 'What are you talking abo…

A young couple was getting ready to give birth to their first child, and they had determined that the child should not be named until after it was born, so that they could meet it and make the name based on that first magical moment. On the day of the birth, a beautiful baby girl was born and the parents were instantly smitten. "It's 'Love.'" said the mother. "All I can think when I gaze on this precious child is 'Love.' That needs to be her name." The father was not on board. "We can't n…

A man speaks frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only 2 minutes apart!" The doctor asks, "Is this her first child?" The man replies, "No! Idiot! I'm her husband!"

Everything's Big in Texas A Texan goes to a bar and buys everyone a round of drinks, exclaiming that his wife has just given birth to their first child "a Texas sized" baby boy weighing 24 pounds. Congrats came from all over the bar and folks saying "Wow" Two weeks later, the Texan returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of the Texas size baby that weighed 24 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?" The proud father says "18 pounds." The bartender, confused a…

An Irish man is on the way to the hospital for the birth of his first child Callahan

A man calls the hospital and yells that her wife is in labour... The nurse tells him to calm down and asks ""Is this her first child?"" to which the man replies ""NO THIS IS HER HUSBAND!""

Three kids are in a park with their father The first child approaches the father and asks

A Texan buys a round of drinks for the entire bar announcing that his wife has just gave birth to their first child ""a typical Texas"" baby boy weighing 24 pounds…

We had our first child and he's beautiful but he had a rare birth defect.

A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor queries. "No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"

Isn't parenting strange? When you have the first child and go out in the evening, you call the babysitter atleast 5 times. When you have the second child, you leave the telephone number of where you are going to with the babysitter. When the third child arrives, you leave strict instructions that the babysitter only calls you if there is blood!