Driving Jokes

the biggest problem facing feminism today is when I cant find my car. how are we supposed to get anywhere when I dont know where my car is

This donut scented car air freshener is going to pay for itself next time I get pulled over.

My drift racing career ended abruptly when I drifted so perfectly that my car slid into a different dimension where they don't have cars

If global warming was causing guns to melt, we'd all be driving electric cars within two weeks.

I'm gonna strap a snowblower on my roof and start driving south. When someone asks me what it is, that's where I'm gonna live.

*paints car camouflage* *stops making payments*

[rookie undercover] *walks up to dealer* "yo you a cop" um no "hmm ok what you want" EIGHT COCAINES PLEASE *gives thumbs up to chief in car*

I ran into my ex today. Long story short, my car is totaled.

That crazy moment when you smell roast pork, but realize your heated car seat is set too high.

I paid 4 the lady in front of me @ Starbucks. She hugged me. Deciding when it's the right time 2 tell her I hit her car in the parking lot.

When my car starts making weird noises I just assume it's becoming a Transformer.

Dear @Ford what about an f-150 you could drive standing up in the bed like the truck was a boat

I watched Transformers today. I've spent the last 2 hours in my garage telling my car I know his secret. He's shy.

OMG you guys! Almost hit a jogger while i was taking a selfie and driving today...so please you guys, be careful, do NOT jog.

As a mom of 18 & 20 year olds: save while your kids are young, then at graduation, buy yourself a new car & send them to community college.

I've been called a lot of names but "designated driver" was never one of them.

elephants are scared of mice they're like 100x their size, stupid massive wimps [a wasp flies in my car and i completely drive off a bridge]

[sees a dog about to get run over] Me [dives toward dog & rolls to safety]: that was close [sees a cat about to get run over] Me: car coming

Cop: Know why I stopped u? Cuz u JUST CAN'T FIGHT THIS FEELING ANYMORE? Cop: I'VE FORGOTTEN WHAT WE STARTED FIGHTIN FOOOR For speeding.

always good to put one of those Apple stickers that comes with ur iPhone on your car so thieves know which car to break in to.

Well, Norah on FB has decided to continue her thankfulness through December and I have decided to key her car after dinner

Every fifteen minutes, a teenager crashes his car due to texting and driving. I hope he gives up, because he's obviously not good at it.

The traffic must be horrendous in a red light district

Her:"my blinkers don't work I think I'm out of blinker fluid" Me:"your car doesn't have blinker fluid." Her:"I JUST SAID THAT PAY ATTENTION"

If you traded your windowless van for an ice cream truck or a big red sleigh you would triple your child kidnappings.