Chicago Jokes

Why were 80% of Chicago police dash cams broken? Because you need to warm up before you kill a nigga.

Who wins in a fight? Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton? Does Donald Trump get the media? No. He still wins. When reading thing about the SNL skit, about Chicago super fans and Mike Ditka

A woman from Chicago was visiting New York City. Her hostess was determined to make the Midwesterner feel cheap and unimportant. "My dear," said the New York matron snobbishly, "here in the east we think breeding is everything." "Oh, I don't know," replied the woman from Chicago. "Where I come from we think it's fun, too, but we try to have a few outside interests as well." It's so cold in New York City today that Bernie Madoff is actually looking forward to burning in Hell. David Letterman Why …

Teacher: “Which is your native place?” Kevin: “Albuquerque Mam.” Teacher: “Can you spell it?” Kevin: “Actually my native place is Chicago!”

A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. “The material we put into our stomach is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. “Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. “But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is …

How to Know where a Driver is from: One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: New York One hand on wheel, one finger out window: Chicago One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston One hand on wheel, cradling cell phone,brick on accelerator: California With gun in lap: L.A.

A man had to attend a large convention in Chicago. On this particular trip he decided to bring his wife. When they arrived at their hotel and were shown to their room, the man said: "You rest here while I register - I'll be back within an hour." The wife lies down on the bed... just then, an elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed. Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. Again a train shakes the room so …

A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realises the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all eat it. Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I'm referring to?" "You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea." The man lowered his head and said, "We…

Microsoft Corporation has just announced a new PC keyboard designed specifically for Windows. In addition to the keys found on the standard keyboard, Microsoft's new design adds several new keys which will make your Windows computing even more fun! The final specs are not yet set, so please feel free to make suggestions. The keys proposed so far are: GPF key - This key will instantly generate a General Protection Fault when pressed. Microsoft representative’s state that the purpose of the GPF ke…