Two men arrive at the Pearly Gates at about the same time, both wanting to know if they will be admitted to heaven. St. Peter asks the first man his name, where he is from, and what he did in life. The man answers that he is John Smith and that he was a taxi driver in New York City. St. Peter looks through his book, then gives the man a luxurious silken robe and a golden staff, and bids him welcome into heaven for his eternal reward. St. Peter then asks the second man the same questions. He repl…

An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says ""I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."" ""Pop what are you talking about?"" the son screams. ""We can't stand the sight of each other any longer"" the old man says ""We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her"" and he hangs up. Frantic the son calls his sister who explodes on the ph…

Praying and Sleeping Two men arrive at the Pearly Gates at about the same time, both wanting to know if they will be admitted to heaven. St. Peter asks the first man his name, where he is from, and what he did in life. The man answers that he is John Smith and that he was a taxi driver in New York City. St. Peter looks through his book, then gives the man a luxurious silken robe and a golden staff, and bids him welcome into heaven for his eternal reward. St. Peter then asks the second man…

A blonde gets on a plane A blonde woman gets on a plane headed to New York City. As she boards the plane the flight attendant points to her seat near the back of the plane. As she is boarding though she thinks to herself, “I’m awesome and I deserve to be in first class”. So she takes one of the seats up front. The flight attendant sees this and goes up to the woman and says, “Excuse me miss but your seat is back there, you can’t sit here as you did not pay for it.” The blonde responds, “But…