Arkansas Jokes

Q: Why are people in Arkansas having peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving this year? A: Reagan ate all the jellybeans.

Q: What famouse Arkansas State Supreme Court decision is Hilary Clinton famous for? A: If you divorce your wife in Arkansas is she still your cousin?

What is the second stupidest thing in the world? An Arkansas architectural student out in the middle of the ocean trying to build a foundation for a house. What is the stupidest thing in the world? An Arkansas contractor trying to build a house on the foundation.

President Clinton returning from a campaign stop in Arkansas is climbing the steps to board Air Force One. Under each arm he is carrying a souvenir of his trip -- a live razorback. At the top of the jetway he is met by the guard a Marine sergeant who issues a crisp salute. ""I'd salute you back Sergeant"" says the President ""but as you can see I've got my hands full."" ""Yes sir"" replies the sergeant. ""Very nice pigs sir. Very nice pigs."" ""Why these aren't pigs"" the President responds. ""T…

An old mountain man in Arkansas was sick and bedridden. He had not been outdoors for a few weeks and had a sharp craving for a meal of wild squirrel. He summoned his half-idiot son into the room and instructed him to go squirrel hunting and bring him back a squirrel or two. He also told his son to be very careful not to shoot the squirrel in the head as he would need its brains later to ""tan"" the squirrel's pelt. (Tanning a skin using the animal's brains is a common practice in certain areas i…

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ""I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women li…

A plane from J.F.K. is coming in to land at a rural airport in Arkansas at midnight. Mouthy pilot turns to his co-pilot, winks & says "watch this"...... "Pilot to control tower......hey there Hillbilly, guess who!!" Control tower switches off the airport lights..... "Control tower to pilot....... Hey there Yankee, guess *where!!*"

College Football Jokes - Enjoy! Don't know where they came from, but they are worth a chuckle or two. > Ohio State's > Urban Meyer on one of his players: "He doesn't know > the meaning of the word > fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn't know > the meaning of a lot of > words." > ___________________________________________ > > Why do Tennessee fans wear orange? > > So they can dress > that way for the game on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday, and > pick up trash on > Monday…

Southern University Psychology Joke At a southern university, students in the psychology program were attending their first class on emotional extremes. “Just to establish some parameters,” said the professor to the student from Arkansas, “what is the opposite of joy?” “Sadness,” said the student. “And the opposite of depression?” he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma. “Elation,” she said. “And you sir,” he said to the young man from Texas, “what about the opposite of woe?” The Texan replied…

Rednecks at the Pearly Gates Three rednecks in Arkansas are out drinking and four wheeling on Christmas Eve. They get drunk as a skunk, hit a tree, and all die and immediately go to heaven. Saint Peter meets them at the Pearly Gates and tells them that unless they have something on their person that can correspond to the Christmas spirit, they're doomed. The first fella easily pulls out a set of keys and jingles them around & says, "These are the bells of Christmas!" Saint Peter nods and say…

Why aren't there any Calculus teachers in Little Rock, Arkansas? Because everyone there hates integration.

Gorilla needed mate A small zoo in Arkansas obtained a very rare species of gorilla.  Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available. In a desperate hope to solve the problem, the Zoo Keeper approached a local redneck, Bobby Lee with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?  Bobby Lee showed so…

TIL that the toothbrush was made in Arkansas. If it was made anywhere else it would be called a teethbrush.

The devil's offer One day, a number of years ago, the devil visited Hillary Clinton at her law office in Arkansas. "I can arrange some things for you, " the devil said. "I'll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. One day, I might even make you President. All I require in return is that your husband's soul, your daughter's soul, and her children's souls rot in hell for et…

What do wheat, gluten, and Arkansas have in common? They're all in bread.

Nice pigs sir A Secret Service agent is standing at the bottom of the stairs as President Clinton is leaving Air Force One, and can't help but notice that the President has a pig under each arm. The Agent salutes and says, "Welcome back, Mr. President. Nice pigs, sir." Clinton smiles and says, "These aren't pigs. These are genuine Arkansas Razorbacks. I got this one for Hillary, and I got this one for Chelsea." The Agent says, "Good trade, sir."

A young man went off to college.... A young man from Arkansas goes off to college. Half way through the semester, having foolishly squandered all of his money on his girlfriend, he calls home. "Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here at Hendrix that will teach our dog, Ole' Blue how to talk!" "That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ole' Blue in that program?" "Just send him over here with $1,000" the young Arkie says "and…

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like…

Dear Son Dear Son, I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved. Won't be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived here took the numbers with them for their house, so they wouldn't have to change their address. This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven't seen '…

Arkansas. Two rednecks, Dale and Billy Ray, were walking downtown, window shopping and suddenly, they see a sign on a store which reads, "Suits $10 each, shirts $2 each, trousers $3 each". Dale says to his buddy, "Billy Ray, looky there! We could buy a whole gob of these, take 'em back to Arkansas, sell 'em, and make a fortune! Just let me do the talkin', 'cause if they hear your accent, they might think we're ignorant, and not wanna sell that stuff to us. I'll talk in a slow Texas drawl, so's…

A highly successful blonde business woman was headed west She was on her way to a work conference, driving through Arkansas. As she's cruising along she comes across a farm and out in the middle of the field is a blonde in a rowboat, surrounded by cows, rowing like mad and going nowhere. She's pissed. She pulls over and jumps out of her car, runs up to the fence, and begins shouting. "I don't know who the hell you are, but you're giving all of us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come…

A newly married couple is driving the back roads in Arkansas and needed to stop for gas They happened upon a small gas station. As they went to pay for the gas they noticed an older Native American man sitting by the door.

A young man graduated from the University of Arkansas with a degree in journalism A young man graduated from the University of Arkansas with a degree in journalism. His first assignment for the newspaper who hired him was to write a human interest story. Being from Arkansas

What did Tennessee? The same thing as Arkansas

A new law recently passed in Arkansas. When a man and woman are divorced