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Applying for US weapons as a moderate Syrian rebel As a Syrian rebel, I think the word or phrase that best describes me is: A) Moderate B) Very moderate C) Crazy moderate D) Other I became a Syrian rebel because I believe in: A) Truth B) Justice C) The American Way D) Creating an Islamic caliphate If I were given a highly lethal automatic weapon by the United States, I would: A) Only kill exactly the people that the United States wanted me to kill B) Try to kill the right people, with the caveat…

#Moderate B Very#Truth B Justice#Andy Borowitz#The American Way+4 more
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How Jews cry wolf What happens if an insect falls in a cup of coffee ?! tHe britiSH : will thrOw the Cup into the strEEt and leave the coffee shOp foR good. thE amERican : will get the inSEct out and drink the coffEE. The chiINse : will eAT the inseCT and drink the coffee. the isRAeli will : (1) Sell the coffee to the aMErican and the insect to the Chinese. (2) Cry on all the media chaNNels that they feel inSecuRe. (3) Accuse the PalestiNians, hizbaLLah, syrIA and iRAn of using gERm-weapOns. (4)…

#Syria#Iran#Gaza#United States+4 more
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Terrorism is a serious issue The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warni…

#Syria#France#Frances#Italy+4 more
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Donald Trump... -A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits the Middle East. -Two million Muslims die and over a million are injured. -Iraq, Iran and Syria are totally ruined and the governments don't know where to start with providing help to rebuild. -The rest of the world is in shock. -Britain is sending troops to help keep the peace. -Saudi Arabia is sending oil & monetary assistance. -Latin American countries are sending clothing. -New Zealand and Australia …

#Donald Trump#President#Iraq Iran#Syria+4 more
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A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, "Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later." The nun agreed... A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier?" The nun replied, "He went that way." After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, "I can't thank you enough, sister. You see, I don't want to go to Syria." The nun said, "I understand completely." The soldier added, "I hope I'm not rude, but you have…

#Syria#Military Police#Religion#Military+1 more
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A soldier ran up to a nun A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, "Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later." The nun agreed... A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier?" The nun replied, "He went that way." After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, "I can't thank you enough, sister. You see, I don't want to go to Syria." The nun said, "I understand completely." The soldier added, "I…

#Syria#Military Police#Religion#Military+1 more
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