Scotland Jokes

Donald Trump is visiting Scotland... ...and he is looking around a hospital. When he goes into one ward

Bono asked for silence at a gig in Scotland... In the silence

One foggy morning on the border of England and Scotland... ...a Scottish voice came out from within the dense fog.

John decided to go golfing in Scotland with his buddy Keith

C**ksucker! I was in Scotland

Have I ever told you of Seamus? Oh no... One evening while I was vacationing in Scotland

A man in Scotland... ...calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says

A guy walks into a bar... A guy walks into a bar in Scotland and sits down beside an old man. They strike up a conversation and the old man says

I secretly love men from Scotland... It's my kilty pleasure.

A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.” 'Dad

Someone stole all the toilets from Scotland Yard Police have nothing to go on.

I was in Scotland when... I was in Scotland

I don't see what's so offensive about calling someone from Pakistan a Paki... It's like calling someone from Scotland a Scot

A man travels to scotland He visits a nice little pub by the shore where a local man is sitting alone sobbing. The visitor asks the man why he is so sad.

When/If Scotland becomes independent what will the national currency be called?

All the toilets have been stolen from Scotland Yard The police have nothing to go on

A Scotsman is sitting in a pub... somewhere in Scotland when an American tourist walks up to the bar. The Scotsman turns to the American

An Old Scott A Scottish old timer in Scotland

The sad scotsman A tourist is backpacking through the highlands of Scotland

What is the difference between Scotland and a pregnant woman? A pregnant woman is in Labour

Scottish Flirting A couple went out to the pub in Scotland for a few drinks. The boyfriend went to the loo

A tourist backpacking the highlands of Scotland enters a bar and inside there's only a bar tender and an old man nursing a beer. They sit in silence until the old man looks over to the tourist and says

Scotland Yard x FBI x Brazilian Police To settle once and for all the discussions about what is the best police in the world a competition was held between the FBI

I don't see what's so offensive about calling someone from Pakistan a Paki... It's like calling someone from Scotland a Scot, an Australian an Aussie or someone from France a cunt

A man is drunk in a bar, Across the bar he sees three heavy set women, speaking with Scottish sounding accents. He makes his way to the women and asks; "Excuse me, are you ladies from Scotland?" The first women gets mad and yells "It's Wales, you ass! Wales!" The man the replies. "I'm sorry, are you three whales from Scotland?"