Santa Jokes

What do the lady reindeer do on Christmas eve? They hit the town and blow a few bucks.

What was Rudolph's nickname? Names. Because they used to laugh and call him Names. Credit to my dad.

What's a dinosaur's least favorite reindeer? Comet.

What do Bernie Sanders and Santa Claus have in common? They're old, promise you free shit and are red!

What's he difference between Santa Claus and a Jew? Santa goes the chimney.

Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? He only comes once a year.

What's the difference between Santa Claus and a jew? Santa Claus comes DOWN the chimney...

Santa Fe? A Scottish Guy is suing an American Quiz show. He was denied the $50000 top prize when he was told he had answered the final question incorrectly. He however insists he was correct in his answer. Here is what he was asked: Question - Where is Santa Fe? Scottish guy's answer - North Pole

What do Bill Cosby and Santa Claus have in common? They both come while you're sleeping

What did Pinocchio say to Rudolph when he asked him what he asked for Christmas? Quit being nosey.

Why did the kids not receive presents for Christmas? Because Rudolph intentionally grounded the team...

What do you call a Santa Claus who kidnaps people? Santa Clown

Why does Santa Clause have no children? Because you only comes one a year and its down a chimney!

You know why Santa Claus doesn't have any children? Because he only comes once a year and that's down a chimney.

Was Santa Claus Your Birth Doctor? Cause all I heard from your Hospital Room was "HO HO HO"

What do you call one of Santa's helpers who bosses around the reindeer? When he found out, Santa shouldn't have gotten mad, he only had his elf to blame. Now Santa won't forgive him until elf freezes over.

What is the difference between Jews and Santa Claus? Santa goes down the chimney.

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic

How are Santa Claus and a Catholic priest alike? They both come out of little boys rooms with empty sacks.

On Christmas morning, Rudolph was having a good moan to Prancer and Dancer. He said: "Santa has got me the wrong Christmas present – I'm beginning to think he must be dyslexic." "What makes you think that?" they asked. "Because he got me a Pony Sleigh Station!"

A dad figured that at the age of seven his son would inevitably begin to have doubts about Santa Claus. Sure enough, one day the boy announced: "Dad, I know something about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny AND the Tooth Fairy." "Okay, son," said the dad, taking a deep breath. "Let's hear it. What do you know?" The boy replied: "They're all nocturnal."

A man walked into a kebab shop and was surprised to see Father Christmas serving behind the counter. "Santa!" he said. "What are you doing working here? Shouldn't you be up at the North Pole preparing for the big day?" Santa let out a long sigh. He had really fallen on hard times. The red suit was splattered with chilli sauce and bits of lettuce, his apron was a mess, and he looked as if the last thing in the world he wanted to be doing was serving kebabs. Eventually he admitted: "I'm afraid my …

Two days before Christmas, Jim was flying from London's Heathrow Airport to Washington, DC, to visit his wife, who worked in the United States. He arrived at Heathrow to find the entire terminal decked in green and red, complete with tacky elves, Santas, reindeer, snowmen and Christmas trees wherever he looked. Meanwhile, between announcements of flight delays and cancellations, the loudspeakers blared out tinny renditions of Christmas carols. As he checked-in his luggage, having queued for the …

There was a perfect man who met a perfect woman. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve this perfect couple was driving along a winding road when they noticed someone at the roadside in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys in…

A married woman walks up to Santa Claus and tells him that all she wants for Christmas is for her husband to be interested in s*x. Santa then proceeds to give her a bottle of pills. He tells her to give them a try and then let him know how it's working. So she takes the pills home and puts one pill in her husband's Christmas dinner. That night, they make love for one hour. The next day, she's running around thrilled and happy. "Oh, my God. I can't believe how well that worked," she thinks to her…