Santa Jokes

Do you know why Santa Claus doesn't have any kids? Because he only gets to come once a year and thats down a chimney.

Black joke Santa clause, a child, and an innocent black man jump out of a plane. Who lands first? The child there's no such thing as Santa or an innocent black man

Two cows at the North Pole... One turns to the other and says ""Don't know about you but I'm Friesian"".

Red-nosed Rudolph was hit by a 747 and a flock of seagulls on Christmas Eve during a gift delivery over Barcelona The reindeer in Spain was hit mainly by the plane (Courtesy of Colin Mochrie)

What is big and red and rolls over in the snow? Santa Claus hit in the balls!

A good lawyer, Santa Claus, and an honest politician enter an elevator. They see a five dollar bill on the ground. Who picks it up? Santa. The other two don't exist.

A white racist, a black racist, Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, the easter bunny, the terminator, and that girl from out of town that you hooked up once with at a party walked into a restaurant. The Maitre D turns to the white racist and ask, ""Table for one?""

A Gnome and A Reindeer take a picture together What is it called when a gnome and a reindeer take an instant picture of themselves - A S-ELF-IE POLE-ROID

Santa Clause is Coming So there are speakers in the bathrooms at my office, and they have been playing Christmas songs all month. I'm not a big fan of this. It's not that I don't like Christmas songs, it's just.. I'd rather not hear about how Santa is always watching me while I'm trying to rub one out during lunch.

I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus Good thing he didn't see what mommy did after bedtime ...

Why are there no black people at the North Pole? Because there is nothing to steal there

there were two jalapenos sitting at the north pole then the one said ""is it just me or is the weather getting a bit chilli?""

What is the difference... What is the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods? Santa stops at three hoes.

What's the difference between Santa Claus and a Jew? Santa goes down the chimney.

What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods? Santa stops at three hoes. (sorry if repost)

Santa went to the doctor's Santa Claus went to the doctor's with a mince pie stuck up his arse. The doctor took one look at it and said ""no worries, I can give you some cream for that.""

How many reindeers does Santa Claus have? Santa Claus has 10 reindeers according to the song. >You know **Dasher** and **Dancer** and **Prancer** and **Vixen**, **Comet** and **Cupid** and **Donner** and **Blitzen**, but do you recall the most famous reindeer of all? **Rudolph** the Red-Nosed Reindeer, had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows. **Olof** the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names

Santa Claus came early! Mrs. Claus wasn't too happy.

Female Santa I realized that just about every holiday line is a joke when Santa is female.... ""He went deep in her chimney."" ""Santa Clause is Coming..."" ""He gave her warm milk to drink."" ""He stuffed her stocking."" ""He unwrapped her present."" ""She gift wrapped him."" ""He decked her halls."" ""...with his jingle balls."" ""And made his Rudolph hit her walls!"" ""Filled her up with Christmas spirit."" ""Not in the past, but in the present."" ""They tried to make a 'Santa Baby.'"" ""She …

So an elf walks into an animal shelter... ...and, being from the North Pole, he wants a hound dog to run a transport system. This particular shelter stocks only mutts. On the first day, the elf says, ""What type of dog is that one there?"" he asks, pointing to a cage. ""That's a cross between a Labrador and a Poodle,"" responds the clerk. The elf shakes his head, and moves on to the next cage. ""What type is this one?"" he asks. ""A German Shepherd and Beagle cross,"" replies the clerk. Again, t…

Just in time for Christmas. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer: Teaching people that it is okay to make people outcasts for being different until that difference benefits someone since 1939.

Train Tracks A blonde, a brunette, and a red head were walking through a forest when they come upon a set of tracks. ""They must be a set of polar bear tracks,"" says the blonde. ""No, no, they are a set of deer tracks,"" says the brunette. The red head then exclaimed, ""Are you kidding me? Polar bear! This is a forest not the North Pole! A deer is understandable, but these are train tracks!"" They were still arguing when they were mauled by a polar bear.

Santa's bad day When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the pre-Christmas pressure. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were gone, heaven knows where. Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the…

my favorite joke I heard in school Rudolph was a child adopted from Russia. One day Rudolph and his brother are arguing if it is raining or snowing outside. Rudolph says it raining and his brother says its snowing. They decide to ask their mother what she thinks. Their mother says its raining. When his brother asked why she agreed with Rudolph she said ""Because Rudolph the red knows rain dear.""

Can I have your picture, So Santa Claus knows exactly what to give me on this CHRISTMAS.