Roman Jokes

Why did the roman only smoke 490 blunts and not 500? Because XD

A roman walks into a bar... A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a Martini, the bartender gives him two and the Roman walks away happy.

Selfless until the end. For Pontius Pilate's birthday, the Roman soldiers lined the street to his house with Jews nailed to crosses. Walking slowly, Pilate was admiring the gesture, when he spotted Jesus on the last cross... he was was muttering something. Pilot exclaimed ""fetch me a ladder! if the King of the Jews has something to say, I want to hear it!"" Reaching the top of the ladder, Pilate moves in close to hear Jesus in a dry, half-audible voice, singing ""Happy birthday to you...""

As Jesus is on the Cross... As Jesus is on the cross on top of the hill known as Golgatha, he cries out ""Peter! Peter! My servant come to me!"" Upon hearing this, Peter dashes towards to cross but is stopped by the Roman guards. A few minutes later Jesus cries out once again ""Peter! Peter! My servant come to me!"" Once again, Peter dashes towards to cross but is stopped by the Roman guards. Yet a few more minutes go by and Jesus again cries out ""Peter! Peter! My servant come to me!"" Again, P…

What do you call a Roman with a hair in his teeth? Gladiator.

Ancient Roman galley The whip guy gets up next to the drum guy and addresses the galley slaves. ""I have good news and I have bad news."" ""The good news is all you guys get extra bread this morning."" ""The bad news is this afternoon the Captain wants to go water skiing.""

A Roman walks into a bar.... A roman walks into a bar and holds up two fingers. ""5 pints please.""

Two calculus professors get together for lunch at a diner near campus. ""What really frustrates me about our profession,"" says the first, ""is that the average student, not to mention member of the general public, doesn't know the first thing about mathematics beyond the four basic operations, *if that*."" ""Well, now I'm not sure about that,"" says the second. ""Come on, ask any student walking around to tell you something about general calculus! At best, they'll tell you he was a Roman war he…

A Roman walks into a bar He holds up two fingers and says ""give me five beers.""

Did you hear about the Roman who had his wife for dinner? He was gladiator...

A roman walks into a bar

A Roman walks into a bar, sticks two fingers up to the barman and says, ""Five beers please.""

When i was in school there was this joke floating around. Ok so i went to a roman catholic school and below is the layout of the foyer of my school from when I was young, the arrow indicates a statue of mother Mary and the direction in which she faces. The longer part of the picture indicates a path leading away from the foyer and the squiggly line indicates the door to the teacher's common office. Treat the dots as spaces and the ""A"" as the arrow. Sheesh, it's hard to do this in reddit. .....…

Once upon a time in ancient Rome... ...There lived 3 very important politicians. Brutus was a schemer, and a very ambitious man. No one trusted him, but everyone worked with him. Julius Caesar was unpopular with the politicians of Rome, but the people loved him. Julius was a consul of Rome. Marc Antony was the third politician in question, and he was just the sort of guy that everybody liked. So Julius Caesar was running once again for consul of Rome, and he experienced a sudden drop in the poll…

I can't remember what 51, 6 and 500 are in Roman numerals... fcuking livid

You know why ancient Greek children were always getting lost from their parents? 'Cause they kept Roman around!

Farmer Jones bought a herd of pigs from a Roman farmer who moved into the next valley and boy is he sorry. The hogs won't come to the feed trough unless he calls them in Pig Latin.

A Roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says, "I'll take five beers, please."

A Roman walks into a bar... A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a Martinus…. "You mean a martini?" the bartender asks. The Roman replied, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it!"

A company that sells nails decides to start advertising their product... Their CEO goes to an ad agency to inquire about creating a large billboard downtown. He meets with an account executive and explains his need: "We have a good business, but I just feel like most people have never heard of us. They just go down to one of these big box stores and buy whatever brand of nails they happen to have. I want people to know that "Western Nail Company" is the best brand out there, so I need a bill…

What's it called when a Roman sees too many flashing colors? A Julius Seizure.

Bob's Nails. Bob made metal nails for all need and uses. For woodworking or construction, his nails where the best and he wanted to make a TV commercial to promote them. So he went to a studio to get his commercial made. There he gave an idea of how he wanted his commercial "I want it to be epic and persuasive, everyone should buy my nails", he was said to not worry and come back in a week, and the commercial would be made. He came back a week later and he watched his commercial preview. The …

The Roman Achilles. As you know, there is a lot of crossover between Roman and Greek paganism and mythology. Jupiter in Rome was Zeus in Greece, for example. However, what you might not know is that the Heroes of Greece were also adopted into Roman culture. Odysseus was called Ulysses, Aeneas is a charecter in both the Illiad, a greek poem, and the Aeneid, a roman "sequel" so to speak. Quite little known however, is the Roman equivalent of Achillies, Bophadee. The stories are similar. His mot…

A Roman walks into a bar... And he holds up two fingers. "Five beers, please," he asks.

I spent all of last night trying to remember the Roman numerals for 51, 6, and 500 and couldn't.... ...I'm so LIVID right now.