Q&A Jokes

My little brother is extremely proud of this joke. What do you call a reptile who anyways starts fights? An Insti-Gator

What's the worst part about being a black Jew? you have to sit at the back of the gas chamber.

So what's the best part about dead baby jokes? They never get old. *ba dum tss*

why don't chickens wear pants? Because their pecker is on their heads!

Two old men are sitting on the porch, their wives in the kitchen. One says to the other, "Bob you should try that restaurant we went to last night. Best food I've had in a long time." "Yeah Joe? What was it called?" asked Bob. "Well, I can't seem to remember...What is the name of that red flower, you know with the thorns on the stem? "A Rose, I think you are thinking of." "Your right, thanks....**HEY ROSE, WHAT WAS THE NAME OF THAT RESTAURANT WE WENT TO LAST NIGHT?"**

Lonely widow. A lonely widow, age 70, decided that it was time to get married again. She put an ad in the local paper that read: HUSBAND WANTED: MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's), MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME & MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!!!!! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON. On the second day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a grey-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair.. He had no arms or legs. The old woman said, 'You're not really…

What's the difference between a drunk driver and a stoned driver? The drunk driver runs the stop sign. The stoned driver waits for it to turn green.

Today a whole bunch of friends in trade school started throwing jokes around. These were the funniest. What do you call a electrician who tries to be a carpenter? A lousy carpenter What do yoy call a carpenter who tries to be an electrican? A dead carpenter What do you call a electrician with a hammer? Thief

A cowboy takes a break from the range and heads out to LA for a cowboy convention . . . When he gets to LA, he decides to stop at a local watering hole and grab a beer. He's sitting there in his hat, jeans, and boots, when a woman walks up and sits down beside him. Woman: Are you a cowboy? Cowboy: Well yes ma'am, I am. Woman: Like a real deal cowboy? Cowboy: I don't know any other kind. Woman: I've never met a real cowboy before. Cowboy: Well now you have. Woman: Well? Cowboy: Well wha…

A happy family. Son: Dad, I like this awesome girl and want to date her. Dad: Who is she? Son: Our next door neighbor's daughter, Sandra. Dad: Ohhh I wish you hadn't said that son. I have to tell you something but promise me that you will not tell your mom. Sandra is actually your sister. The boy is obviously bummed out. He finds another girl, but dad tells him that is his sister too. This happens a few more time and he gets frustrated. So he decides to tell his mom. Son: Mom, I am s…

How many of my ex-girlfriends does it take to change a lightbulb? One. Apparently she will screw anything.

What does a nosey pepper do? Gets jalapeño buisness. ... I'll let my self out.

A rich middle eastern oil tycoon sends his son to study in Germany... His son is feeling nervous about being alone abroad. So, his father allows him to take one of the golden plated Ferraris to Germany in order to boost his confidence. It is shipped over and the father hears nothing for the first few weeks from his son. Then, he recieves an email: "Father, I love the way the Ferrari drives but it's so embarrassing, all the other students take trains to school! What should I do? Your loving s…

Brewery managers go to a bar In Münchens Oktoberfest, there was a meeting with international brewery managers. After the meeting they decided to go to have a drink at a local Bierstube, well known for their international selection of beers. Coronas head manager sat first on the bar and said: - Por favor, Senor, could i have a bottle of Corona, the best beer in the world. The bartender got a bottle, opened it and poured it to a glass. Next up was Budweisers head manager, who ordered: - A can …

What do you call an illegitimate female cow? Miss Steak

more dad-jokes (the limb-less edition) What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean? Bob. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs at your front door? Matt. The neighborhood kids came to Timmy's house and asked if he could come out to play. "Shame on you kids," says Timmy's mom. "Don't you know Timmy doesn't have any arms or legs? He can't play with you." "But we're playing baseball and we need a home base."

inspired by frontpage's TIL about the guy fawkes mask: how many occupy protesters does it take to change a lightbulb? none, occupy protesters can't change anything.

There are three bears a black, a brown, and a white one. Which bear dissolves in water? The white bear, because it's polar

What has 50 legs but can't walk? Half a centipede.

What's the difference between a baby and a washing machine? The washing machine doesn't cry when you drop a load in it.

The Needle A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. 'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. 'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,' she says. They enjoy …

Have you guys seen Paula Deen's new restaurant menus? They only serve crackers.

Two part joke Q. How does an elephant hide in an apple tree? A. He paints his balls red. Q. What's the loudest sound in Africa? A. Giraffes eating apples.

What's the definition of a will? Come on, guys. The answer's a dead giveaway.

What do you call a dumb seal? An imbeseal