Q&A Jokes

what do you call a pissed off group of door handles? An angry knob

What is a duck's favorite drug? Quack (Sorry for wasting your time)

What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? A pickpocket snatches watches, a peeping tom watches snatches.

Why shouldn't you let a Pokemon take a shower with you? He might Pikachu.

What's the worst part about working in a glory hole? You only get paid in tips.

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Impossible. Feminists can't change anything.

Why do all the ladies love Jesus? (spreads out arms to fullest length) Because he was hung like this.

Who Am I? One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles. "Wow Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night." the mailman comments. Bob in obvious pain replies, "Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday mornin…

Little Johnny at school The preschool teacher says, "We're going to do vocabulary today. Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?" Mary raises her hand and exclaims, "Me me me!" The teacher says, "Go ahead, what's the sentence? Mary replies, "The sky is definitely blue." "That's good, Mary," says the teacher, "but the sky can also be gray or white." Sam raises his hand and states, "Grass is definitely green." The teacher says, "That's good, Sam, but grass can be brown, too." Litt…

I made this up today. How do you print something when you've really got to go to the toilet? You ctrl p.

The Polish farmer During WW2, a team of German and Soviet surveyors went through Poland to split the country. One day they found a farm placed directly over the planned border. The surveyors agreed that the border couldn't be drawn through the house, and decided to ask the farmer. - Do you want to belong to Soviet or Germany?, they asked him. After some thinking, the farmer answered - I'd like to belong to Germany. - Why is that? - Oh - I've heard the Russian winters are very cold

Do you have bread? A big intimidating man walks into a barber shop and asks the barber "Do you have bread?" Confused, the barber replies "Sir, this is a barber shop, not a store." After hearing this the man immediately punches the barber and just leaves. Again the next day the same man walks into the barber shop and again asks the barber "Do you have bread?" Frightened he might get punched again the barber politely says "I am sorry sir, but this is a barber shop. We don't have bread." But the…

Looking to buy a frog? A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for …

I hate myself a little for this... What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? GLOVES! ...Nah, just kidding! *He still hasn't unwrapped his present!!!*

What do you get when you mix human DNA with zebra DNA? Kicked out of the zoo.

What did the Doctor say to the midget in the waiting room? "You're going to have to be a little patient"

Did you hear about the man who ate nothing but prune juice and viagra? He couldn't tell if he was coming or going.

I Asked 100 Women Which Shampoo They Preferred? The Top Answers Was: Get The Hell Out Of My Bathroom!

Dyslexic Zombie What does a dyslexic zombie eat? Brians

German guy at the French border. A German guy is at the French border. The French customs officer asks him some questions. -Name? *-Karl Schmidt.* -Place of Residence? *-Munich.* -Occupation? *-Oh, no, no. I'm just visiting.* (Translated from an /r/French comment: http://www.reddit.com/r/French/comments/1jrq1z/tell_me_a_joke_in_french/cbhnivu)

How do you email a sandwich? In bytes. *Ba dum tss*

Poor lesbians Why are lesbians always broke? *Because they eat out all the time* **BAM** *Note: Accidentally posted this in funny at first. Didn't realize there was a joke subreddit! Silly, silly me. XD*

Engineers How do you tell if an engineer is an extrovert? They look at *your* shoes while they talk to you.

Sitting on the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car puttering along at 22 MPH. Sitting on the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, that car is just as dangerous as a speeder. So, he turns his lights on and pulls the car over. Approaching the car, he notices there are 5 old ladies, two at the front and 3 at the back, wide eyed and looking like ghosts. The driver obviously confused said…

An anatomical original Thought you'd like a pun. What sound does a pigeon make when kicked in the nuts? [A high coo](/spoiler)