Q&A Jokes

Why do women make such horrible capenters? Because for years men have telling them that |----------------| is 8 inches long.

What Engineer Designed The Human Body? Four engineers are arguing over who designed the human body. The mechanical engineer points to the ways the bones, the muscles, and the tendons are joined together and move so smoothly and efficiently, and claims it must have been a mechanical engineer. The electrical engineer diagrams the central and peripheral nervous systems and maintains that it would take an electrical engineer. The hydraulic engineer insists that only a hydraulic engineer could be…

Importance of Planning Why planning is important? One night four college students were playing till late night and could not study for the test which was scheduled for the next day. In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty with grease and dirt. They then went up to the Dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tire of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition …

Why are there no knock knock jokes about America? Because freedom rings. 'Murica

What do people in the hood enjoy eating? Spaghetto

What is a pirate's favorite letter? You think it'd be R but it be the C

What did the hat say to the coat stand? You stay here, I'll go on a head.

So this one time I offered some shrimp to this Jewish friend of mine... Me: This shrimp is great. Wanna try some? Friend: Sorry, I'm Jewish. Me: No, it's free! *from a comic by Cyanide and Happiness*

Four Nuns in Heaven Four nuns die and go to heaven. At the gates, they are told by God that they must confess and purify themselves before entering. So the Nuns begin their confessions, one by one. 1st nun: Dear Lord, I have only one thing to confess. Once, out of really bad judgement, I gave a handjob to Father in the Church. God: Rise, my daughter. This sin was committed by your hands. Go rinse your hands in Holy Water, be done with this, and enter your heavenly abode. 2nd Nun: Dear Lor…

arm's length what do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? a speech impediment

Short latino What do you call a Mexican midget? A paragraph, because he is to short to be an esé.

How old do you think I am? A woman decides to have a facelift for her birthday. She spends $5000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 32," is the reply. "I'm exactly 47," the woman says happily. A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question. She replies, "I guess about …

How do you make a hormone? You pay her. (This was told at my pharmacy school. We laughed and then felt shame afterwards.)

Marital Problems (possible oc?) Dave got in a fight with his wife and took off for the night. He calls up his friend Steve who offers Dave his couch. While they're watching the gave and having a beer Steve asks Dave what happened. Dave: I've got no idea. One minute we're talking about the dishwasher, the next she's calling me an arrogant, inconsiderate, chauvinistic pig! Steve: Well what exactly happened? Dave: Well, she handed me $1200 to go get a new dishwasher, so I gave it back and told…

They say there's no opinions in science But I've seen people get real heated over thermochemistry And they really melt down when you bring up nuclear engineering Have you seen how twisted people get when it comes to DNA? Cartography is the worst, people are just all over the map You should see how hormonal people get about endocrinology You can really feel the pressure in the room when someone brings up hydraulics.

try the chili A man walks into a restaurant. He asks the waitress for an order of chili.The waitress points to a man at the the table next to him and says, "sorry, that guy over there got the last bowl. Is there anything else I can get for you? The man replies," let me think about it for a little bit longer, I was really looking forward to the chili." After the waitress leaves he looks over and notices the other guy's bowl is totally full and he's not even touching it. So he leans over and say,…

What's the difference between a poor marksman and a constipated owl? One shoots and shoots but can't hit, and the other...

Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? Because his wife is dead.

How can you tell if there is a pilot in the room? He will tell you.

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent.

What's the worst thing about Fridays? Realizing it's only Tuesday.

Tampons What did one tampon say to the other? Nothing they're both stuck up cunts.

George Washington Today What would George Washington be doing if he were alive right now? Scratchin' the inside of his coffin.

Joe goes down to the docks...(long) ... to look for a job. He sees three old sailors sitting on a bench in front of a large ship, having a conversation. As Joe walks past to them, he hears what they're saying. - Number four! says the first sailor, and the other two starts to laugh. - Number six! says the second one with a giggle, and the other two starts to laugh. Joe is a little bit confused, so he walks up to them and asks: - Hey! I heard what you were talking about, and I have to ask, what's…

my 14 year old came back with this after his biology class Q. who was the Jewish prophet that led the water molecules across the partially permeable membrane? A. osmoses